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It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. with this statement v. 1
Children are the pillars of the next generation. Believed by some that children should be given a chance to act on their way from their early period. I think children who act for themselves from their starting age will likely to grow faster and can tackle future problems, while children cannot decide between right and wrong, good and bad, and as well as they even can not decide what to eat and what to wear. Initially, children learn from their experiences of mistakes. When children act freely then they make a lot of mistakes which help them to learn from that and try not to repeat that ever again. Even though they fail at the start, they try to learn and overcome that hurdle. For example, A baby starts to walk after 8 months of their birth, even if they fall, again and again, they do not quit and after some time they start to walk eventually. So, from the mistakes, they learn which helps them to grow and make them able to tackle the problems. Secondly, children are the flawless creation of God. "The morning shows the day" means if children are guided better then they can adopt the same behaviour, whereas, if they are guided poorly, then they eventually show the bad habit after they grow older, although, they belong from the good family. So, parents should guide their children to be better people and they should teach the difference between right and wrong. For example, A colleague of mine was from a rich and good family, even though he always treats others badly. Why? Because he was always allowed to do what he wants even if he was doing something wrong their parents put a blind eye on that matter. He still consumes narcotics, chews tobacco, which is bad for his health. That is why parents also need to consider what they eat from their starting age. Finally, I think the children who move on their own likely to grow faster and overcome any problems they face with cool and easy, in contrast, children should be guided from their early age so they can mature with good behaviour. In conclusion, children learn most when they are young and if they are given the right to decide on their needs and problems by themselves, they can grow faster, but along the way, they need to be guided properly so that they do not lose their way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the pillars of the
next
generation. Believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to act on their way from their early period. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who act for themselves from their starting age will likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
faster and can tackle future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot decide between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, and
as well
as they even can not decide what to eat and what to wear.

Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from their experiences of mistakes. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
act
freely
then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mistakes which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from that and try not to repeat that ever again.
Even though
they fail at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, they try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and overcome that hurdle.
For example
, A baby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to walk after 8 months of their birth, even if they fall, again and again, they do not quit and after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to walk
eventually
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from the mistakes, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them able to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the flawless creation of God.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The morning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the day
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
means if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guided
Did you mean "better than"?
better then
they can adopt the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, whereas, if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guided
poorly
, then they
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit after they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
older, although, they belong from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, parents should guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be better
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they should teach the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
For example
, A colleague of mine was from a rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
family,
even though
he always treats others
badly
. Why?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
he was always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do what he wants even if he was doing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
their parents put a blind eye on that matter. He
still
consumes narcotics, chews tobacco, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for his health.
That is
why parents
also
need to consider what they eat from their starting age.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
faster and overcome any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
they face with cool and easy,
in contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guided
from their early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can mature with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
most when they are young and if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the right to decide on their needs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by themselves, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
faster,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
along the way, they need to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guided
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not lose their way.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. with this statement v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
408 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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