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15. Some people believe that managers are responsible for the organization’s success, while others think various features of the organization play a vital role in it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

15. Some people believe that managers are responsible for the organization’s success, while others think various features of the organization play a vital role in it. v. 1
While there are those who believe that the upper-level employees are the reason behind the success of the company whereas the opposition argues that it is because of the key role played by the different aspects of the company. It is imperative to consider both arguments before arriving at a conclusion. On one hand, the supporters of the former perspective that the CEOs of the firm create a successful establishment say so because their strategies are impeccable. As the executives are more experienced and knowledgeable, their plans will be meticulous and more trusted by the stakeholders which then translates to the actual work carried out by the lower-level employees and results in the victory of the companies. For example, it is well known that a lot of Head of the departments has many years of experience. Thus, a person in the managerial role is vital to creating a victorious organization. On the other hand, the opponents take the firm stand by arguing that a number of other functions of the firms are indispensable for the success because of two reasons. Firstly, the policies followed should be fair for the workers to ensure quality of work. For instance, in India many female engineers prefer HCL to TCS because of the flexible hours, longer maternity leave and connecting from home options. If these facilities were not offered, the company would not have become a profitable one compared to the rest in the industry. Secondly, the innovation should be nurtured in order to yield more profit. As every sector is evolving rapidly, the staff must be given a sense of freedom to explore and invent new methods rather than following a template to get better results and the management has to favour this method. To illustrate, the Game One gaming company puts no restrictions on the teams to deliver the software and they are the pioneer in producing games. Hence, the aforementioned faces of the company are essential to the success story. In conclusion, although the management decides the strategy, I am of opinion that the rules and the habit of fostering the innovative ideas from the employees are absolutely essential to increasing the returns. I have known many managers who failed to produce results because of the policy put in place by the companies. Moreover, they also do not support the creativeness.
While there are those who believe that the upper-level employees are the reason behind the success of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
whereas the opposition argues that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the key role played by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. It is imperative to consider both arguments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at a conclusion.

On one hand, the supporters of the former perspective that the CEOs of the firm create a successful establishment say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their strategies are impeccable. As the executives are more experienced and knowledgeable, their plans will be meticulous and more trusted by the stakeholders which
Did you mean "than"?
then
translates to the actual work carried out by the lower-level employees and results in the victory of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
For example
, it is well known that
Possible agreement error. The noun Head seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of (Head)".
a lot of Head
of the departments has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of experience.
Thus
, a person in the managerial role is vital to creating a victorious organization.

On the other hand
, the opponents take the firm stand by arguing that a number of other functions of the firms are indispensable for the success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons.
Firstly
, the policies followed should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for the workers to ensure quality of work.
For instance
, in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
female engineers prefer HCL to TCS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the flexible hours, longer maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and connecting from home options. If these facilities were not offered, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would not have become a profitable one compared to the rest in the industry.
Secondly
, the innovation should
be nurtured
in order to yield more profit. As every sector is evolving
rapidly
, the staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a sense of freedom to explore and invent new methods
rather
than following a template to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better results and the management
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
this method. To illustrate, the Game One gaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
puts no restrictions on the teams to deliver the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
software and
they are the pioneer in producing games.
Hence
, the aforementioned faces of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
are essential to the success story.

In conclusion
, although the management decides the strategy, I am of opinion that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and the habit of fostering the innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from the employees are
absolutely
essential to increasing the returns. I have known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
managers who failed to produce results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the policy put in place by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Moreover
, they
also
do not support the creativeness.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay 15. Some people believe that managers are responsible for the organization’s success, while others think various features of the organization play a vital role in it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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