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it is important to construct new buildings rather than maintain old one to what extand do you agree or disagree v.1

it is important to construct new buildings rather than maintain old one to what extand v. 1
Since ancient period, an equal importance to women as men always questionable even though they are taking care of their family responsibilities. The time is now quietly changing in the modern era. Nevertheless, it is not fully changed. In this essay, we will look at the importance of women with suitable examples. Firstly, it is true that men are physically stronger than women. However, when comparing mentally, women are better than men. They can do multiple tasks at the same time. Working women are the ideal examples. However, in some cases, men are dominating a bit like working overtime, some challenging jobs, etc. This will improve and we can make some flexibilities like 'Work from home, child care' to women. Therefore, they will put extra efforts and prove their ability. For instance, many governments pass laws for women to improve their efficiency and ensure safe. Secondly, some society and religion are always opposing women in some more cases like education, acting as a profession, military forces, etc. For instance, we can take a look at Arab countries, they are strictly acting against women. They consider that most crimes happening due to women so they created some constraints and forcing women to follow. I would like them to see the western countries and passing the laws to give space to women for their developments. Consequently, Women will make a pride for their countries. For instance, The UK monarchy recognized and identified womens abilities. Queen Victoria and now Queen Elizabeth are the ideal examples and their people treating them as their country's pride. To conclude, differences are inevitable. Nevertheless, we should respect women and treat them gently. As human being, emotions, delightful, joy always same for all.
Since ancient period, an equal importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
always questionable
even though
they are taking care of their family responsibilities. The time is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
quietly
changing in the modern era.
Nevertheless
, it is not
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. In this essay, we will look at the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with suitable examples.

Firstly
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
physically
stronger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
However
, when comparing mentally,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. They can do multiple tasks at the same time. Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are the ideal examples.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are dominating a bit like working overtime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenging jobs, etc. This will
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
improve and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
flexibilities
like 'Work from
Possible spelling mistake found.
home
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
child
care' to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Therefore
, they will put extra efforts and prove their ability.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
pass laws for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their efficiency and ensure safe.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
society and religion are always opposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more cases like education, acting as a profession, military forces, etc.
For instance
, we can take a look at Arab countries, they are
strictly
acting against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. They consider that most crimes happening due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
constraints and forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to follow. I would like them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the western countries and passing the laws to give space to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for their developments.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a pride for their countries.
For instance
, The UK monarchy recognized and identified
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens
abilities. Queen Victoria and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Queen Elizabeth are the ideal examples and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
treating them as their country's pride.

To conclude
, differences are inevitable.
Nevertheless
, we should respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and treat them
gently
. As human being, emotions, delightful, joy always same for all.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay it is important to construct new buildings rather than maintain old one to what extand v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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