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Describe the qualities of a famous historical person from your country. Include the influence the person has had on your society. Include details and examples to validate your stand. v.1

Describe the qualities of a famous historical person from your country. Include the influence the person has had on your society. Include details and examples to validate your stand. v. 1
Some people argue that in these days and age, there are plenty of possibilities for us to choose from, in other words we have more options than our ancestors. In my view, this is a correct belief and I completely support this notion. The main reason that humankind in these days can choose from a broader variety of options is that, our understanding and knowledge of our surrounding has been rising dramatically and is constantly and exponentially increasing. Therefore, as we conquer the world we are producing more possibilities to reach a same goal. For instance, now we can travel to any place of the globe, so we are not limited to live in our birthplace. As a result of development of cheap and easy communication devices we are able to be informed about the phenomenon happening around the world and so we have more accurate information which brings us more choices. Another phenomena that increased our choices is democracy which brought us freedom and there no kings or dictators any more to curb choices to some limited list because he or she decided. Another result of liberal governments is that they are based on rules designed by people and as time goes on there is an instinct in humankind to increase her or his freedom, and freedom means more choices. In conclusion, at the present time people experience freedom and development in science which brought them an enormous collection of options and paths to choose from. In my view, it is going to be an ongoing trend toward the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that in these days and age, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of possibilities for us to choose from,
in other words
we have more options than our ancestors. In my view, this is a correct belief and I completely support this notion.

The main reason that humankind in these days can choose from a broader variety of options is that, our understanding and knowledge of our surrounding has been rising
dramatically
and is
constantly
and
exponentially
increasing.
Therefore
, as we conquer the world we are producing more possibilities to reach a same goal.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can travel to any place of the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we are not limited to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in our birthplace.
As a result
of development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and easy communication devices we are able to
be informed
about the phenomenon happening around the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we have more accurate information which brings us more choices.

Another phenomena that increased our choices is democracy which brought us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
and there no kings or dictators
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
to curb choices to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limited list
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he or she decided. Another result of liberal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
is that they
are based
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
designed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and as time goes on there is an instinct in humankind to increase her or his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
means more choices.

In conclusion
, at the present time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
and development in science which brought them an enormous collection of options and paths to choose from. In my view, it is going to be an ongoing trend toward the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Describe the qualities of a famous historical person from your country. Include the influence the person has had on your society. Include details and examples to validate your stand. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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