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it is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives v.2

it is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives v. 2
It is a common belief that people do not pay attention to international events, as long as they are unlikely to directly impact on our life. However, I firmly support the idea that we need to approach events from the different countries to take some experience and come up with these issues of our nation as well. Firstly, caring about international news that nations realize the global statue at that moment to help the citizen of other countries overcome the challenges. It is the way that we can share resources to aid other nations in war, disasters, or disease. For instance, in world war, some countries receive the army force from the others or some products such as food, medicine or weapons. Moreover, international help can appeal international peace for some nations in war. On the top of that, approaching the international statues, it is the easy way to better understanding of how to deal with the problems in ours countries. Many societies face with many kinds of similar challenges, we can take experiences and prepare for solutions to cut significantly the bad situation. For example, countries are facing with much deadly diseases, taking the information from that case, our nations can prepare vaccines and find the way to prevent citizens from the dangerous things. In recent day, Amazon forest is the hazard for the world’s atmosphere, especially nations around, knowing the accident, those countries ready to how can improve and prevent the pollution. To sum up, observing the global news that is really helpful to all nations. For these reasons, it is the important part in developing our country.
It is a common belief that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, as long as they are unlikely to
directly
impact on our life.
However
, I
firmly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that we need to approach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with these issues of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as well
.

Firstly
, caring about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
news that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
realize the global statue at that moment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the citizen of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
overcome the challenges. It is the way that we can share resources to aid other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in war, disasters, or disease.
For instance
, in world war,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
receive the army force from the others or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products such as food, medicine or weapons.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
can appeal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
peace for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in war.

On the top of that, approaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
statues, it is the easy way to better understanding of how to deal with the problems in ours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
societies face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of similar challenges, we can take experiences and prepare for solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
significantly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are facing with much deadly diseases, taking the information from that case, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can prepare vaccines and find the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
citizens from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
things. In recent day, Amazon forest is the hazard for the world’s atmosphere,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
around, knowing the accident, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
ready to how can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the pollution.

To sum up, observing the global news
that is
really
helpful to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. For these reasons, it is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in developing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay it is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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