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it is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives v.1

it is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives v. 1
In this competitive era, it is essential for every child to have knowledge about every aspect of life. Some echelons of the society say that subjects like math and ideology should not be compulsory in school curriculum because some students feel it tough. I think mathematics should be mandatory in academic courses while philosophy should be voluntary. I shall give some strong opinion about my belief in the upcoming paragraphs. At the outset, math is such a necessary subject which used in our daily routine. If a person does not know about basic calculations like addition, subtraction, multiplication, division; then he will not do something in life. Apart from this, every individual needs to record its own finance, so it is crucial for him to have knowledge about arithmetic. On the other hand, philosophy is a subject which teaches ethical values, the nature of human thought, the nature of the universe, and the connection between them. These things can be learned from our parents or elders at home. In addition, a child can learn moral values by seeing the behaviour of his parents or grandparents. If this subject is obligatory in the school syllabus, then it is an extra burden on students. To wrap up the discussion, I would like to say that math plays an indispensable role in everyone's life. Hence, it should be mandatory up to matriculation, so that individuals can have proper knowledge about calculations. Moreover, the other hand, ideology can be learned by experiencing deportment of elders. So it should be optional for students.
In this competitive era, it is essential for every child to have knowledge about every aspect of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
echelons of the society say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like math and ideology should not be compulsory in school curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students feel it tough. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
mathematics should be mandatory in academic courses while philosophy should be voluntary. I shall give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strong opinion about my belief in the upcoming paragraphs.

At the outset, math is such a necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in our daily routine. If a person does not know about basic calculations like addition, subtraction, multiplication, division; then he will not do something in life. Apart from this, every individual needs to record its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
finance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is crucial for him to have knowledge about arithmetic.

On the other hand
, philosophy is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which teaches ethical values, the nature of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, the nature of the universe, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
them. These things can
be learned
from our parents or elders at home.
In addition
, a child can learn moral values by seeing the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of his parents or grandparents. If this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is obligatory in the school syllabus, then it is an extra burden on students.

To wrap up the discussion, I would like to say that math plays an indispensable role in everyone's life.
Hence
, it should be mandatory up to matriculation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that individuals can have proper knowledge about calculations.
Moreover
, the other hand, ideology can
be learned
by experiencing deportment of elders.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it should be optional for students.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay it is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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