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It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree? What sort of punishment should be given? v.1

It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. What sort of punishment should be given? v. 1
Every child learns life aspects in a different way. It is indeed significant for children to understand between good and bat at a young age. Punishment could aid them to differentiate between those. I strongly disagree with this statement as it causes disturbances in the families and does no good to anyone. It is generally believed that punishment is required to teach the children to be good and not naughty. However, people can follow a different method to raise their offspring in an effective way. Instead of punishing them, a timeout can be given when they throw a tantrum. This way, they would have enough time to calm themselves and correct their behaviour. Instead, if they are grounded for a long time for disobeying, they might become more rude to their family. Clearly, parents should adapt different procedures that will assist their children to learn what is right and what is not. Punishing the children only leads to secrecy and spoils relation. The children will start to hide their real feelings from their parents due to the fear that they might get punished. As a result, they may not be able to build a friendly relationship with their loved ones. For instance, a student who failed in exam would hesitate to inform their parents because they could be scared of their parent's reaction. In short, this approach prevents to maintain a healthy relationship in the house as the children keep secrets. In conclusion, it is true that the children should seek the difference between right and wrong but punishment would only halt them in being honest with their parents. They could follow other ways like giving them a timeout for a short while that helps them to realize their unacceptable behaviour.
Every child learns life aspects in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way. It is
indeed
significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and bat at a young age. Punishment could aid them to differentiate between those. I
strongly
disagree with this statement as it causes disturbances in the families and does no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to anyone.

It is
generally
believed that punishment
is required
to teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and not naughty.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can follow a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
method to raise their offspring
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
.
Instead
of punishing them, a timeout can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
when they throw a tantrum. This way, they would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to calm themselves and correct their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Instead
, if they
are grounded
for a long time for disobeying, they might become more rude to their family.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should adapt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
procedures that will assist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn what is right and what is not.

Punishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leads to secrecy and spoils relation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their real feelings from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to the fear that they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
punished.
As a result
, they may not be able to build a friendly relationship with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
For instance
, a student who failed in exam would hesitate to inform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could
be scared
of their parent's reaction. In short, this approach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
to maintain a healthy relationship in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
secrets.

In conclusion
, it is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should seek the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
punishment would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
halt them in being honest with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They could follow other ways like giving them a timeout for a short while that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to realize their unacceptable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. What sort of punishment should be given? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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