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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v.51

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v. 51
Moral sense, which is linked the ability to distinguish right from wrong is thought to play a major role in children's development. Although there are some people who advise to punish kids in order to teach them this difference, in my opinion harsh penalty is not useful in this issue, and I completely disagree with this idea. Parents and teachers can only penalize children with soft methods to enlighten them how to behave properly in society. To begin with, I admit that helping people to learn the distinction between right and wrong from their childhood period is essential. However, I definitely refuse the violent actions, such as beating or screaming, for this purpose. First of all, punishing children by these ways is useless, because at an early age, kids are not capable to parse any situation accurately. So, in this case they will not understand why they have been penalized. Moreover, harsh punishment may have negative impacts on children's mental growth and personal development, especially at their juvenile ages. For example, if you beat teenagers for their mistakes, they will consider this method to be an adequate response to any possible cruelty. As a result, violence will be accepted as a norm among individuals in society. On the other hand, sometimes teachers and parents are allowed to use a variety of light penalties to teach them a good behaviour, and those methods should be more educational rather than oppressive. For instance, children should be forced to pick up the rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or apologise to someone they have hurt. In these ways children's responsibility develops, which leads to much better future behaviour than does harsh punishment. To conclude, explaining children the difference between right and wrong at an early age is certainly important for their later development. Although I disagree with the use of violent punishment for this purpose, teachers and parents can use some effective methods to discipline children.
Moral sense, which
is linked
the ability to distinguish right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to play a major role in children's development. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who advise
Did you mean "punishing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'advise' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to punish
kids in order to teach them this difference, in my opinion harsh penalty is not useful in this issue, and I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Parents and teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
penalize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to enlighten them how to behave
properly
in society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I admit that helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn the distinction between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
from their childhood period is essential.
However
, I definitely refuse the violent actions, such as beating or screaming, for this purpose.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by these ways is useless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at an early age, kids are not capable to parse any situation
accurately
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
in this case
they will not understand why they have
been penalized
.
Moreover
, harsh punishment may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on children's mental growth and personal development,
especially
at their juvenile ages.
For example
, if you beat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
for their mistakes, they will consider this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
to be an adequate response to any possible cruelty.
As a result
, violence will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a norm among individuals in society.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
teachers and parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a variety of light penalties to teach them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
should be more educational
rather
than oppressive.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be forced
to pick up the rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or
Possible spelling mistake. 'apologise' is British English.
apologise
to someone they have hurt. In these ways children's responsibility develops, which leads
Did you mean "too"?
to
much better future
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
than does harsh punishment.

To conclude
, explaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
at an early age is
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their later development. Although I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of violent punishment for this purpose, teachers and parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v. 51

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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