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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn his distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with his opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v.15

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn his distinction. with his opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v. 15
In child rearing, it is essential to give children proper education on differentiating what is good or bad. Accordingly, some people may argue that punishment is an indispensable way for teaching good behavior to children; however, I strongly believe that punishment actually leads to more undesirable acts. Instead of punishing children, encouraging them by considering alternative consequences such as using a direct language and being a role-model can be applied by both parents and teachers would be better. Firstly, a couple of reasons should be primarily cited in order to show how bad punishment is. One of them is that it could cause a backfire and result in rebellion. To exemplify, if a child has a strong character, inflicting too much pressure may surely lead to his or her outburst. This not only makes a child angry individual but also constitutes a risk for their future. Suppressing self-confidence can be mentioned as a further factor for the unnecessity of punishment. To illustrate, scientific studies conducted on ‘The Impacts of Punishment on Children’ in 2008 have shown that children who had been punished vigorously during their early years formed a criminal profile in their adulthood. That is to say, it can be clearly detected that children brought up to have self-esteem have a tendency to commit crimes compared to the ones grown as a confident individual. As to what kind of alternatives could be applied, one of them appears to be as direct communication with the child and simply warning about what they have just done is wrong. Most children do not like to be treated as children. To explain it further, talking to them directly and explaining the reasons why their behaviour cannot be accepted would be way better than just ordering them to go to their beds and not come out in a certain period of time. While doing that parents and teachers at school should be calm. Because an angry tone does not work in that kind of situations. Second alternative is actually a task given to us as adults. Children tend to copy what they see from adults. For instance, a child with parents who are judges or lawyers can learn from them to be a fair person. If parents at home and officials at school have a good morale and are not exploited by the requirements of the real world, this makes an effective role-model for the children. Last but not least, unlike some people claiming that punishment is a requisite when nurturing a child, in my opinion, it might not form anticipated results and easily lead to raise a bad-tempered child. Rather than giving punishment, using a direct and calm language about the unwanted behaviours and displaying as role-model by not just pretending but actually meaning it should be preferred. To be precise, these two are essential for the upbringing of the young generation.
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
rearing, it is essential to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
proper education on differentiating what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Accordingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is an indispensable way for teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
however
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
actually leads to more undesirable acts.
Instead
of punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, encouraging them by considering alternative consequences such as using a direct language and being a role-model can
be applied
by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers would be better.

Firstly
, a couple of reasons should be
primarily
cited in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is. One of them is that it could cause a backfire and result in rebellion. To exemplify, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has a strong character, inflicting too much pressure may
surely
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
outburst. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
angry individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
constitutes a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for their future. Suppressing self-confidence can
be mentioned
as a
further
factor for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unnecessity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. To illustrate, scientific studies conducted on ‘The Impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’
in 2008 have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who had
been punished
vigorously
during their early years formed a criminal profile in their adulthood.
That is
to say, it can be
clearly
detected that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
brought up to have self-esteem have a tendency to commit crimes compared to the ones grown as a confident individual.

As to what kind of alternatives could
be applied
, one of them appears to be as direct communication with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and
simply
warning about what they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
done is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not like to
be treated
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, talking to them
directly
and explaining the reasons why their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
cannot be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
would be way better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
ordering them to go to their beds and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out in a certain period of time. While doing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers at school should be calm.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
an angry tone does not work in that kind of situations. Second alternative is actually a task
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to us as adults.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
tend to copy what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from adults.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are judges or lawyers can learn from them to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
person. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at home and officials at school have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
morale and are not exploited by the requirements of the real world, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an effective role-model for the children.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a requisite when nurturing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, in my opinion, it might not form anticipated results and
easily
lead to raise a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-tempered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Rather
than giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, using a direct and calm language about the unwanted
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and displaying as role-model by not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
pretending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
actually meaning it should
be preferred
. To be precise, these two are essential for the upbringing of the young generation.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn his distinction. with his opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
479 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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