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It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as squares and parks. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as squares and parks. v. 1
Many people argue that every city should provide public areas. I firmly believe this opinion is a great idea for several reasons. On the one hand, common areas bring a wide range of benefits to citizens. Firstly, young people have a get-together place where they can meet up to study or play outdoor games. If there were no public places in town for junior citizens to socialize, they would take it as an excuse to interact actively with peers only through technology gadgets such as tablets, cellphones and computers, which gradually might lead to sedentary lifestyle. Secondly, squares and parks are ideal fresh-air areas for the elderly to do exercise. This especially works for those who reside in major cities with small living spaces. Because a great number of senior citizens have been complaining that their residential areas do not offer sufficient outdoor spaces which prevent them from doing regular exercise. On the other hand, having a public park is a necessity for offering children education provision. The park with different kinds of tree is a natural source to educate offspring about natural environment as well as environment protection. For example, if geography teacher wants students to have a good understanding of how forests play a crucial role for the life of all species, the facilitators might take children to the parks and let children experience a smaller version of that of green areas and learn by seeing. Hence, this source is much better than showing pictures of national forests from somewhere else across the country. In conclusion, public spaces bring a great numbers of advantages for people’s health and education so these areas should be built in all cities and towns.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that every city should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. I
firmly
believe this opinion is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for several reasons.

On the one hand, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
bring a wide range of benefits to citizens.
Firstly
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-together place where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up to study or play outdoor games. If there were no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places in town for junior citizens to socialize, they would take it as an excuse to interact
actively
with peers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through technology gadgets such as tablets, cellphones and computers, which
gradually
might lead to sedentary lifestyle.
Secondly
, squares and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are ideal fresh-air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for the elderly to do exercise. This
especially
works for those who reside in major cities with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
living spaces.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
a great number of senior citizens have been complaining that their residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
do not offer sufficient outdoor spaces which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from doing regular exercise.

On the other hand
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
is a necessity for offering children education provision. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of tree is a natural source to educate offspring about natural environment
as well
as environment protection.
For example
, if geography teacher wants students to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding of how forests play a crucial role for the life of all species, the facilitators might take children to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
children experience a smaller version of that of green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and learn by seeing.
Hence
, this source is much better than showing pictures of national forests from somewhere else across the country.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
spaces bring a great numbers of advantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health and education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
should
be built
in all cities and towns.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as squares and parks. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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