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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? v. 1
The inequality cause arguments about sharing wealthy such as food, education etc between nations. while some people claim that the responsibility of poorness of nations belong the own goverments. Other group think that wealthy nations should share their sources, and I agree with this point of view. First of all, the wealthy nations should help to others, because it is a necessary of human being. They and all members of nations are human. As people, we should deal with compensating basic requirements of living people on earth. Besides, to give support to other will give happiness for given side. In addition, even if we asset the case as pragmatistic view, the wealthy nations should share their wealth with poor nations. Becuase of reason that it is a reality terror can be occured in poor countries. It effects all the country and global economy. So wealthy countries are effected as negaitive. Another threat is immigration from poor nations to rich ones for wealthy societies. It causes huge problems for rich nations. On the other hand, some people insist on the responsibility is on own goverment. The people have mainly two view. One of them is the poor nations should warn the goverment, according to the view the problem can be solved just by nations demands. And second one is the goverments of poor nations are independent so another authority shouldn’t do anything. In conclusion, although a group of people claim that poor nations should solve own problems with their goverments, it will be more appropiate to share wealth with poor nations for all nations.
The inequality cause arguments about sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
such as food, education etc between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the responsibility of poorness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
belong the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should share their sources, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a necessary of human being. They and all members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are human. As
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people
, we should deal with compensating basic requirements of living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on earth.
Besides
, to give support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
will give happiness for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
side.

In addition
, even if
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'we'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
we asset
the case as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pragmatistic
view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should share their wealth with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Becuase
of reason that it is a reality terror can be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
countries. It effects all the country and global economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
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wealthy
countries
are effected
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
negaitive
. Another threat is immigration from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to rich ones for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
societies. It causes huge problems for rich nations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist on the responsibility is on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
mainly
two view. One of them is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should warn the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
, according to the view the problem can
be solved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
demands. And second one is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
another authority shouldn’t do anything.

In conclusion
, although a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should solve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
, it will be more
Possible spelling mistake found.
appropiate
to share wealth with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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