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Writing task 2Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.2

Writing task 2Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 2
Working over time become a common phenomenon these days in our society especially in our mega cities. And it seems to be an increasingly widespread concern that overwork is stealing our leisure time and activities. I think the keen competition and modern working pattern are responsible for this. In the past, it was not common for the people to working overtime, due to the booming population and globalisation, people have to compete not only the fresh graduates from universities but also the with the qualified job applicants from overseas. Work more to obtain a decent job is the key of success in workplace. It is true that it will bring the benefit for companies and organisations to choose the best employees all over the world and boost the productivity, therefore, it will achieve the fast growth of GDP of our society. It is also true that there are many famous companies have the culture of long working hours. For example, In a TV interview of the CEO of Alibaba Jack Ma, he was admitted that the one of reasons of the success of Alibaba was the long working hours culture in this company, and it is also true for some other international giants like HUAWEI and Tencent. Of course. This issue is bring some negative effects to the employees for it steal lots of their leisure time to relax or company with their families. Over time work may result both physical and emotion problems. The staff who always working overtime may have little time to go gym or do exercise, and might not be able to talk and play with their kids. They lose their health and happiness. Although it is deem that the long working hours may bring the high productivity of company and better indicator of GDP. But only the work and life balance could make this growth more sustainable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
become a common phenomenon these days in our society
especially
in our mega cities. And it seems to be an
increasingly
widespread concern that overwork is stealing our leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and activities. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the keen competition and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
pattern are responsible for this.

In the past, it was not common for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime, due to the booming population and
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the fresh graduates from universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the with the qualified job applicants from overseas. Work more to obtain a decent job is the key of success in workplace. It is true that it will bring the benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to choose the best employees all over the world and boost the productivity,
therefore
, it will achieve the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growth of GDP of our society.

It is
also
true that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have the culture of long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.
For example
, In a TV interview of the CEO of Alibaba Jack Ma, he
was admitted
that the one of reasons of the success of Alibaba was the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours culture in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, and it is
also
true for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other international giants like HUAWEI and Tencent.

Of course
. This issue is
Consider using a past participle here: "brought".
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to the employees for it steal lots of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with their families. Over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
work may result both physical and emotion problems. The staff who always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go gym or do exercise, and might not be able to talk and play with their kids. They lose their health and happiness.

Although it is
Consider using a past participle here: "deemed".
deem
that the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours may bring the high productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and better indicator of GDP.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the work and life balance could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this growth more sustainable.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Writing task 2Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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