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it is generally acknowledged that families now are not as close as they used to be. What are some possible reasons for this and what can be done to reverse the trend? v.2

it is generally acknowledged that families now are not as close as they used to be. What are some possible reasons for this and what can be done to reverse the trend? v. 2
Nowadays, families are not as intimate as in the past. At the same time, however, there is some uncertainty as to the causes of this problem, and how it might be resolved. In this essay, I will examine the issue and seek some possible solutions. To begin with, in regard to causes, it is undeniable that the development of technology, to some extent, leads to a distant relationship. For example, some teenagers are addicted to chatting online while they are unwilling to talk with parents. Without frequent communication, it is hard for the family members to understand each other, not to mention getting along well. In addition, the ever-increasing workload gives rise to the decrease of family time. Compared with people in the past, the modern ones work overtime in order to complete a lot of tasks, sacrificing their private time which should have been spent on staying with families. On the other hand, as to solutions, doing family activity is a good way to change the alien relationship, since it provides an opportunity for teenagers to put down their electronic devices and interact with parents. Furthermore, the companies should set reasonable work tasks which are possible to be accomplished in office hours, and in this way workers should be worried about the half-finished work while companying their families. To summarize, there is no doubt that the technology and busy work bring about distant relationship between family members. At the same time, however, family activities and the adjustment of company schedule may turn the alien relationship into the closer one.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not as intimate as in the past. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
however
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
uncertainty as to the causes of this problem, and how it might
be resolved
. In this essay, I will examine the issue and seek
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in regard to causes, it is undeniable that the development of technology, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, leads to a distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are addicted
to chatting online while they are unwilling to talk with parents. Without frequent communication, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to understand each other, not to mention getting along well.
In addition
, the ever-increasing workload gives rise to the decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Compared with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the past, the modern ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime in order to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tasks, sacrificing their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which should have
been spent
on staying with families.

On the other hand
, as to solutions, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
activity is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the alien
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
, since it provides an opportunity for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to put down their electronic devices and interact with parents.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should set reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
tasks which are possible to
be accomplished
in office hours, and in this way workers should
be worried
about the half-finished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while
Possible spelling mistake found.
companying
their families.

To summarize
, there is no doubt that the technology and busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
bring about distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
activities and the adjustment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
schedule may turn the alien
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
into the closer one.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay it is generally acknowledged that families now are not as close as they used to be. What are some possible reasons for this and what can be done to reverse the trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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