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in order to make freshmen adapt to college life, which one is more helpful? 1. take part in the orientation program for a week; 2. meet regularly with seniors in the same major v.2

in order to make freshmen adapt to college life, which one is more helpful? 1. take part in the orientation program for a week; 2. meet regularly with seniors in the same major v. 2
when students arrive at university they participate in orientation and ask for seniors to adapt to the new environment. however, I assume that it is better to attend a one-week orientation rather than experienced seniors. I feel this way for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, orientation week with a lot of new faces provides you a platform to develop your communicative skills. talking with seniors you are familiar with before hinders the skills you communicate with others. On the other hand, orientation where you have the opportunity to introduce yourself and make new friends with others. my older brother’s experience proves this is true. when he started at university, he was shy and he was unable to communicate or work well with others. however, after a one-week orientation, he became a confident communicator. this laid a good foundation for his future. During his four years in college, he participated in a lot of social events and he knew what to say and how to say on various occasions. when he began his career after graduation, he was recognized as a natural leader by his co-workers and supervisor. At the same time, because of his great communication skills, he advanced quickly through the ranks of his company. Therefore, orientation played an import role in improving your communication skills which substantially has a big influence on your future. Additionally, orientation week will give you a more specific picture of your college. If you ask seniors about the details of your school, they may not give you the correct answer. In contrast, administers and scholars in the orientation program are more professional because they have been in the college for more than ten years. when you have a question about your life on campus they can in no time tell you the answer. For example, when I came to university, I just did not know my courses in my first semester. So I asked one of my friends who is a sophomore. he told me we would have 8 courses including advanced maths. however, the administrator told me we have 7 because sophomores did not know the latest change in our class schedule. Thus, the orientation program allows you to talk with administrators face-to-face to learn more about the college. In conclusion, I feel strongly that orientation programs are more necessary for all freshmen than asking seniors for help. this is because orientation enables us to meet with new people and provide us the more correct information.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
students arrive at university they participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
to adapt to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, I assume that it is better to attend a one-week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
rather
than experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
. I feel this way for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
week with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
faces provides you a platform to develop your communicative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
talking
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
you are familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
hinders the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
you communicate with others. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
where you have the opportunity to introduce yourself and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends with others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
older brother’s experience proves this is true.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at university, he was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shy and
he was unable to communicate or work well with others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, after a one-week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
, he became a confident communicator.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
laid a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
foundation for his future. During his four years in college, he participated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
events and
he knew what to say and how to say on various occasions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
he began his career after graduation, he
was recognized
as a natural leader by his co-workers and supervisor. At the same time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his great communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, he advanced
quickly
through the ranks of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
played an import role in improving your communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which
substantially
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence on your future.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
week will give you a more specific picture of your college. If you ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of your school, they may not give you the correct answer.
In contrast
, administers and scholars in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
program are more professional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have been in the college for more than ten years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
you have a question about your life on campus they can in no time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you the answer.
For example
, when I came to university, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
did not know my courses in my
first
semester.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I asked one of my friends who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
is
a sophomore.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me we would have 8 courses including advanced
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, the administrator
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me we have 7
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
sophomores did not know the latest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
schedule.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
program
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to talk with administrators face-to-face to learn more about the college.

In conclusion
, I feel
strongly
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
programs are more necessary for all freshmen than asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
orientation
enables us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and provide us the more correct information.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay in order to make freshmen adapt to college life, which one is more helpful? 1. take part in the orientation program for a week; 2. meet regularly with seniors in the same major v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
422 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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