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it is generally acknowledged that families now are not as close as they used to be. What are some possible reasons for this and what can be done to reverse the trend? v.1

it is generally acknowledged that families now are not as close as they used to be. What are some possible reasons for this and what can be done to reverse the trend? v. 1
From the perspective of some people, young kids can take advantage of viewing television set programmes. Others, however, hold the view that this is an unhealthy tool. I agree with the former statement to some extent, but in my opinion parents should decide which shows their children should watch. On the one hand, there are several reasons why watching TV is beneficial for children. Firstly, video is an informative and learning tool that can broaden kids' horizons. It serves as a portal of information that can help to be more creative and familiar with the world. Secondly, television can make studying more enjoyable due to the fact that it has educational cartoons that children love to watch. For example, a recent study showed that most teachers prefer to have a computer set in their classroom to help them out in teaching. Thus, watching tv-programmes are educational for children. On the other hand, there are also a large number of reality shows that can have a negative impact on child psychology. There are many programmes broadcasted on TV set such as violence, drugs and so on, that can be unsuitable for kids and spoil their mindset. Although watching cartoons can be beneficial and educational for them, TV viewing sometimes takes away time from reading and doing homework, which may result in low school performance. In addition, the more children watch TV, the less they exercise and the more junk food they eat. Thus, it goes without saying that television is a waste of time. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that television programmes can be informative for kids, I believe that parents should help them to opt the right programmes.
From the perspective of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, young kids can take advantage of viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. Others,
however
, hold the view that this is an unhealthy tool. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion parents should decide which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why watching TV is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, video is an informative and learning tool that can broaden kids' horizons. It serves as a portal of information that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to be more creative and familiar with the world.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
studying more enjoyable due to the fact that it has educational cartoons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
For example
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that most teachers prefer to have a computer set in their classroom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them out in teaching.
Thus
, watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv-programmes
are educational for children.

On the other hand
, there are
also
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on child psychology. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
broadcasted on TV set such as violence, drugs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, that can be unsuitable for kids and spoil their mindset. Although watching cartoons can be beneficial and educational for them, TV viewing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
takes away time from reading and doing homework, which may result in low school performance.
In addition
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV, the less they exercise and the more junk food they eat.
Thus
, it goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a waste of time.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can be informative for kids, I believe that parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to opt the right
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay it is generally acknowledged that families now are not as close as they used to be. What are some possible reasons for this and what can be done to reverse the trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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