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Thousands of people migrates to countries because they don't feel safe due to violence and crime in their country. Some people argue against giving them permanent stay in their country. What are your views. v.2

Thousands of people migrates to countries because they don't feel safe due to violence and crime in their country. Some people argue against giving them permanent stay in their country. What are your views. v. 2
Crime and violence is becoming a part of some overcrowded countries. In such countries some people think that their life is in risk because of some social violence and crimes. So they move to other countries for their internal satisfection and safe life. Crime and violence disturbes human life in many ways. A normal person feels uncomfortable to go anywhere or to do job anywhere. In other words some people can' t live their life in peace and enjoy in such society where crime ratio is much more high then normal. The children' s life is also very hard there where murders, looting, and violence is very common. Such conditions push people to go abroad for a good future. However people who go to other countries face many problems. Nowadays, it is becoming a big issue for people who go there that regional people doesn' t like that government should allow them for permanent stay. According to my point of view temporary stay is better than permanent. If government give permanent stay to all people, one day definitely that country will be over crowded. What I believe is that people should be allowed for temporary work permits or for study purposes. By this they can learn from that country and know about the rules and regulations for controlling crime in their own conutry. At the end I want to say that everybody have a right to live safe and risk free life. So if people migrates it is good but permanent stay is not a solution for decreasing the crime ratio in their own country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is becoming a part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
overcrowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for their internal
Possible spelling mistake found.
satisfection
and safe life.

Crime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
Possible spelling mistake found.
disturbes
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. A normal person feels uncomfortable to go anywhere or to do job anywhere.
In other words
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in peace and enjoy in such society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
ratio is much more high
Did you mean "than"?
then
normal. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
there
Did you mean "were", the simple past of "to be"?
where
murders, looting, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common. Such conditions push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go abroad for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. Nowadays, it is becoming a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go there that regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t like that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
. According to my point of view temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, one day definitely that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be over crowded. What I believe is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for temporary work permits or for study purposes. By this they can learn from that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and know about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations for controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
conutry
.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
I want to say that everybody have a right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
safe and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
migrates
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
is not a solution for decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
ratio in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Thousands of people migrates to countries because they don't feel safe due to violence and crime in their country. Some people argue against giving them permanent stay in their country. What are your views. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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