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It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be Give some reason why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought together Include any relevant example from your experience v.1

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be Give some reason why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought together Include any relevant example from your experience v. 1
Nowadays, it is common to see families not so close. However, in past situation was different as people used to live in large joint families. In my opinion, there are some key factors that play to separate families directly or indirectly. Firstly, place where people work may be in the same city far from home or another city. Thus, they get less time to spend with family and the sense of family as a whole may begin to fall down. As for a solution for this person should try to spend weekends with family and even try to take them to travel or picnic during holidays. Secondly, people seem to have a lack of understanding and emotional attachment. As a result, we can observe how people's tendency towards is increasing. This can cause children feeling desperate and depressed. So, children spend more time on social media and with friends rather than parents. How we can overcome this issue? To achieve this, parents ought to create an environment that makes children feel a selfless bond with each other. Also, they should celebrate all festivals together. For example, I remember a friend of my father is a manager at Axis bank. Due to his post, he often travels to different states for business purpose, yet he never misses to take care of his family persons. He manages to spend festivals and most of the weekends with family. Even though he has a busy schedule, he always keeps track of his children's educational performance who study at secondary school. I think this is what we can call out a perfect family. To sum up, family is a strong hope for us to thrive in this fraught world. So, everyone must learn to look for family needs over personal benefits. By giving true value and importance to family persons we can definitely bring families together.
Nowadays, it is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
close.
However
, in past situation was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in large joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key factors that play to separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
directly
or
indirectly
.

Firstly
, place where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work may be in the same city far from home or another city.
Thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as a whole may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to fall down. As for a solution for this person should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
weekends with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and even try to take them to travel or picnic during holidays.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seem to have a lack of understanding and emotional attachment.
As a result
, we can observe how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's tendency towards is increasing. This can cause children feeling desperate and depressed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more time on social media and with friends
rather
than parents. How we can overcome this issue? To achieve this, parents ought to create an environment that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
children feel a selfless bond with each other.
Also
, they should celebrate all festivals together.

For example
, I remember a friend of my father is a manager at Axis bank. Due to his post, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
travels to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
states for business purpose,
yet
he never
The verb 'misses' is used with the gerund form: "misses taking".
misses to take
care of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
persons. He manages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
festivals and most of the weekends with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Even though
he has a busy schedule, he always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of his children's educational performance who study at secondary school. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is what we can call out a perfect family.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a strong hope for us to thrive in this fraught world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn to look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
needs over personal benefits. By giving true value and importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
persons we can definitely bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
together.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be Give some reason why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought together Include any relevant example from your experience v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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