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Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity level accordingly. why is this the case? What measures can you suggest encouraging higher level of activity among children? v.1

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity level accordingly. why is this the case? What measures can you suggest encouraging higher level of activity among children? v. 1
Nowadays, a TV set is the integral part of all homes. As a result, today’s generation spend most of their precious age on watching tv as compared to previous generation which decrease their level of activeness. While, there are various causes that teenager used to watch more tv as a leisure activity than outdoor games. Firstly, in the busy schedule of parents, they don’t spend their day with their little ones like playing with them etc. Due to this the children watches tv to pass their spare hour. Secondly, many accidents witnessed on the road, so, parent avoided that their child play outside and last but not the least, that television shows, many attractive programs like cartoons which alluring the viewers especially, child youngsters. However, there are several suggestions that parents could use to divert the child’s attention from watching videos to other creative activity and outdoor games. First of all, parents should admit their son/daughter in play centres where they play games like cricket, dancing. Secondly, mother and father both should give their moment to adolescent. On top of that, they should go out with them at different places as well as play different games and do creative things with them like painting and cooking through which their activity level become increase. In conclusion, television diverts the youngster's attention from doing active and creative thing to just sit for a long period of pace Infront of screen because, of many, reasons as mentioned above, but we can do a lot to solve this issue and engage the juvenile in outdoor games and to boost up the activeness among children.
Nowadays, a TV set is the integral part of all homes.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation spend most of their precious age on watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
as compared to previous generation which decrease their level of activeness.

While, there are various causes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
as a leisure activity than outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
, in the busy schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they don’t spend their day with their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones like playing with them etc. Due to this the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
to pass their spare hour.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accidents witnessed on the road,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
avoided that their child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside and last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, that television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
attractive programs like cartoons which alluring the viewers
especially
, child youngsters.

However
, there are several suggestions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to divert the child’s attention from watching videos to other creative activity and outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should admit their son/daughter in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like cricket, dancing.
Secondly
, mother and father both should give their moment to adolescent.
On top of that
, they should go out with them at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and do creative things with them like painting and cooking through which their activity level become increase.

In conclusion
, television diverts the youngster's attention from doing active and creative thing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit for a long period of pace
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infront
of screen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, reasons as mentioned above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can do a lot to solve this issue and engage the juvenile in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and to boost up the activeness among children.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays watch significantly more television than those in the past, which reduces their activity level accordingly. why is this the case? What measures can you suggest encouraging higher level of activity among children? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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