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It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. v.7

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. v. 7
In the past, every person of a family used to live together whereas now, sometimes children, father, and mother stay different places in order to study, or earn money. Although there are some reasons that act as a catalyst to separate the people from a family, I believe this tendency can be changed through taking proper actions. Certainly, there are some causes that influence the people to detach from their household nowadays. Firstly, as earning money is one of the important for livelihoods that increases from last few years, men member of a house usually go to the outside of his own area for a job to maintain a happy lifestyle. As an example, many developing countries like India, China and Nepal don't have enough employment in the rural area; so, the village people have no choice but to endeavour the city area. Secondly, when most children finish their primary and high school education, they are now motivated by the popular university education; thus, they move to other countries or mega cities for studying. It is apparent that these changes happen due to the above reasons. People no longer prefer to live in a joint family and the number of nuclear families is increasing rapidly. The scarcity of resources, the increasing cost of life leading and decrease in family values are some of the main reasons for that. On the other hand, some preventive measures we should take to eliminate this problem. Obviously, governments need to take a major share of responsibility if they want to change this situation. the Government can make industries, factories in the rural area, in fact, it should be ensured that every people of the state can easily obtain a suitable job in his local area. Moreover, a large number of facilities should be included in local school, college, and university so that the students will be impressed with their own education system. Furthermore, communication sectors such as mobile, the internet as well as the developed transportation system can play an important role. In case any member of a family necessitates to apart from their house they can still communicate with other members of the family. People should understand the value of family bonding and should have a positive mentality to stay together no matter what. In conclusion, it is very consequential that people of the clan should live together because they need each other if they face any problem. This responsibility is not only to the government but also to every individual. Therefore, every person should try to keep in touch with their family.
In the past, every person of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
children, father, and mother stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places in order to study, or earn money. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that act as a catalyst to separate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I believe this tendency can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
through taking proper actions.

Certainly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes that influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to detach from their household nowadays.
Firstly
, as earning money is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for livelihoods that increases from last few years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
member of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
usually
go to the outside of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for a job to maintain a happy lifestyle. As an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
like India, China and Nepal don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
employment in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the village
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
Secondly
, when most children finish their primary and high school education, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
motivated by the popular university education;
thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries or mega cities for studying. It is apparent that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
happen due to the above reasons.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
no longer prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the number of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is increasing
rapidly
. The scarcity of resources, the increasing cost of life leading and decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
values are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main reasons for that.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preventive measures we should take to eliminate this problem.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
need to take a major share of responsibility if they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this situation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
industries, factories in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, in fact, it should
be ensured
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the state can
easily
obtain a suitable job in his local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
Moreover
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
facilities should
be included
in local school, college, and university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the students will
be impressed
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
education system.
Furthermore
, communication sectors such as mobile, the internet
as well
as the developed transportation system can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. In case any member of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
necessitates to apart from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
they can
still
communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding and should have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mentality to stay together no matter what.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
consequential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the clan should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
if they face any problem. This responsibility is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to every individual.
Therefore
, every person should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
430 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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