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It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. v.1

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. v. 1
In many countries these days, families no longer have close relationships. This is because of the increase in the number of parents who work full-time and the rise in the use of mobile devices and internet. Solutions to this negative trend would be propose. Firstly, an important reason for the decrease in close family relationships is the increase in the number of parents who are employed full-time. In other words, many husbands and wives today are employed and have little time to interact with themselves and take care of their children. For example, many married couples in Nigeria work between eight to ten hours daily which limits the quality time needed to spend with themselves and interact with their children. As a result, many families are no longer close compared to few years ago. Furthermore, the increase in the dependency on mobile devices and internets by parents as well as a parents interfere with family relationship. It is common to see members of a family preoccupied with their phones which limits the time needed to discuss as a family. For instance, many families rarely have dinners together today because members of the household are often busy with their phones and online friends rather than being brought together. This situation could have improved if families reduce the time spent on mobile devices and on internet. fortunately, ther are two promising solutions to this problem. One significant way to bring family closer is to increase the time off work for married couples. Both the government and private employers should promote part-time work for at least one of the parents and increase the duration of holidays such as paternity and maternity leaves. This will offer husbands and wives more time for themselves and to care for their children. More so, efforts towards reducing the use of mobile electronic device and the internets at home should be promoted. This could be through setting up time limits on the use of phones at home. As a result, there would be more time to bring families together. In conclusion, parents spend more time working and they as well as their children are becoming dependent on their phones and the internet which has interfered with family relationships. This problem could be solve by ensuring parents have more time off work and reducing the use of telecommunication devices and the internet at home.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
no longer have close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
full-time and the rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and internet. Solutions to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend would be
Consider using the past participle "proposed"?
propose
.

Firstly
, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for the decrease in close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
are employed
full-time.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
husbands and wives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are employed
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to interact with themselves and take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
married couples in Nigeria
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between eight and ten".
between eight to ten
hours daily which limits the quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
needed to spend with themselves and interact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are no longer close compared
Did you mean "too"?
to
few years ago.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the dependency on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
internets
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
interfere with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
members of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
preoccupied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
which limits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
needed to discuss as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
rarely have dinners together
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
members of the household are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
busy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and online friends
rather
than
being brought
together. This situation could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and on internet.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
fortunately
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ther are
two promising solutions to this problem. One significant way to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
closer is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for married couples. Both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private employers should promote part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for at least one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the duration of holidays such as paternity and maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
. This will offer husbands and wives more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves and to care for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, efforts towards reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
internets at
home should
be promoted
. This could be through setting up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limits on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
at home.
As a result
, there would be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
together.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they
as well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet which has interfered with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. This problem could be
Consider using the past participle "solved"?
solve
by ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of telecommunication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and the internet at home.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
395 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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