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Some people think that secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as an important life skill. v. 1
Teaching money management skills in secondary schools is believed by some individuals to be crucial for students by which they would be aware about the value of money. I strongly agree with this view because of wise spender and diminishing financial stress level. There are tremendously benefits of teaching management skills. One of the indispensable reason is that they would become more habitual to manage the money in an efficient way. This is because when children learning the value of this then may be realize that how an important it is. So, due to this they more likely to instill the habit of the money management since young age. For example, one of my cousin sisters studies in secondary school. Her economic teacher provides the knowledge on finance that means how to spend this. Thus, she now spending the money very carefully. However, if the schools do not render information about such skills, it will be difficult to adopt such habit in mature age. Therefore, i agree with the idea that it should be included in the curriculum syllabus, resulting in it will be beneficial in every aspect of their life. Thr another cause why such schools should teach about finance management is that the students will never be face financial stress in their future. In order to spending finance wisely, they should have taught that what are their pivotal necessities of their life. Nevertheless, if the teachers of high school do not seek information on this subject, they often will spend on unusual things which they do not need actually. Due to this they tend to behave in a similar nature in terms of financial matters lead to depression. For instance, my uncle whose financial condition about five years ago was moderate. After that time they started to use the money on unnecessary things. So, cause of heavily expenses on such things, they would become financially weak as they do not know how to use it. Owing to these reasons the children may face unstable condition in terms of finance. That's why i demonstrate that such information should be given to their students. In conclusion, according to my perspective finance management is the more beneficial skill. Therefore, it should be definately teach to high school's students because of an efficiently spender as well as reducing the financial stress.
Teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals to be crucial for students by which they would be aware about the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of wise spender and diminishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level.

There are
tremendously
benefits of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. One of the indispensable reason is that they would become more habitual to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Consider replacing "in an efficient way" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient way
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when children learning the value of this then may be
Consider using the past participle "realized"?
realize
that how an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
it is.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, due to this they more likely to instill the habit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
since young age.
For example
, one of my cousin sisters studies in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Her economic teacher provides the knowledge on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
that means how to spend this.
Thus
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
spending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
carefully
.
However
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not render information about such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, it will be difficult to adopt such habit in mature age.
Therefore
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it should
be included
in the curriculum syllabus, resulting in it will be beneficial in every aspect of their life.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Thr
another cause why such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should teach about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
is that the students will never be
Consider using a past participle here: "faced".
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in their future. In order to
Did you mean "spend"?
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
wisely
, they should have taught that what are their pivotal necessities of their life.
Nevertheless
, if the teachers of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
do not seek information on this subject, they
The adverb 'often' is usually put between 'will' and 'spend'.
often will spend
on unusual things which they do not need actually. Due to this they tend to behave in a similar nature in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
matters lead to depression.
For instance
, my uncle whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
condition about five years ago was moderate.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unnecessary things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, cause of
heavily
expenses on such things, they would become
financially
weak as they do not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. Owing to these reasons the children may face unstable condition in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
. That's why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
demonstrate that such information should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to their students.

In conclusion
, according to my perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
is the more beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
Therefore
, it should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
definately
teach to high school's students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of an
You used an adverb ('efficiently') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('spender') instead of another adjective.
efficiently spender
as well
as reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as an important life skill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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