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It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v.9

Many people agree that exercise is vital for the well-being of children and teenagers. Due to this reason, there is an ongoing argument whether physical education and sports should be made a mandatory component in the school education system. My personal opinion is in favor of this argument, considering the substantial benefits that it adds to different aspects of the lives while growing up. One of the major advantages of exercising is, maintenance of good physical health regardless of age. This is far more important for the growing up children, since physical activities support bone development and growth of the body. Exercises enable reduction of obesity of the children, and activate proper blood and hormonal flow, which are crucial for them health-wise. Secondly, engaging in sports and physical activities assists psychological development of children. Spending time in nature, interacting with other kids, and facing challenges, ensure mental well-being and social skills development of the youngsters. On the contrary, in the present day, children are addicted to video games and prefer to stay indoors watching tv shows for most of their free time. Unhealthy food habits worsen the situation by leading the way to various health issues such as diabetes, cholesterol and being overweight even at a younger age. If sports and physical education components are made compulsory, juniors will engage in some physical activity as a part of their school schedule unless they have certain physical or psychological restraints. This will enhance their enthusiasm towards sports, and exercising will become a habit of their lives subsequently. However, if sports and physical education are not mandatory within the curriculum, children will take up hobbies and habits which are unhealthy, eventually disrupting their growth and mental development. Therefore, my conclusion is that mandatory sports or exercise segments within schools are pivotal in upholding the physical, psychological and social well-being of kids and teenagers.
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Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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agree
that exercise is vital for the well-being of
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children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Due to this reason, there is an ongoing argument whether
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physical
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education
and
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sports
should
be made
a mandatory component in the school
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education
system. My personal opinion is in favor of this argument, considering the substantial benefits that it
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adds
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
while growing up.

One of the major advantages of exercising is, maintenance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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physical
health regardless of age. This is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the growing up
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children
, since
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physical
activities support bone
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development
and growth of the body. Exercises enable reduction of obesity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and activate proper blood and hormonal flow, which are crucial for them health-wise.
Secondly
, engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities assists psychological
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development
of
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children
. Spending time in nature, interacting with other kids, and facing challenges, ensure mental well-being and social
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skills
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development
of the youngsters.

On the contrary
, in the present day,
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children
are addicted
to video games and prefer to stay indoors watching
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tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
for most of their free time. Unhealthy food habits worsen the situation by leading the way to various health issues such as diabetes, cholesterol and being overweight even at a younger age. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
components
are made
compulsory, juniors will engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity as a part of their school schedule unless they have certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
or psychological restraints. This will enhance their enthusiasm towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, and exercising will become a habit of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
subsequently
.

However
, if
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sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are not mandatory within the curriculum,
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children
will take up hobbies and habits which are unhealthy,
eventually
disrupting their growth and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
Therefore
, my conclusion is that mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or exercise segments within schools are pivotal in upholding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
, psychological and social well-being of kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
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IELTS essay It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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