Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v.7

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v. 7
Undoubtedly, outdoor sports has many health benefits and is beneficial for people of all ages. Therefore, it is argued by many to make physical education mandatory in schools. I disagree with this to an extent and will discuss why this can take a toll over the child’s overall development, who might not be leaned towards the outdoor activities. Some students are academically smarter and are least interested in playground sports. They enjoy solving theoretical problems with their logical reasoning, which makes them apt for certain professions such as Mathematician, Physicist or a scientist. Compulsory physical education in the schools may leave them with lesser time to pursue their hobbies. A recent study conducted by The Harvard’s School of Social Sciences revealed that 87% of the Mathematicians in the United States opted for the library over sport’s time during high school. While it is possible to make student’s compulsory involvement in physical education, it is highly likely that they will not have enough time at their disposal, which could be put to use in something more constructive. For instance, many students opt for indoor sports in their school curriculum instead and come out with flying colours pursuing their passion. Can you imagine a world without actors, artists or researchers? Not everyone is leaned to be a Messi or Ronaldo. In conclusion, we should promote exercise among youngsters by making them aware of the benefits it offers, instead of making it a must to do activity in their curriculum. They may choose to include outdoor sports in their lifestyles beyond their school hours and live healthily. Rather, the school should focus on understanding the child’s natural inclination and correspondingly support them to pursue their interests.
Undoubtedly
, outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health benefits and is beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all ages.
Therefore
, it
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
physical education mandatory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I disagree with this to an extent and will discuss why this can take a toll over the child’s
overall
development, who might not
be leaned
towards the outdoor activities.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students are
academically
smarter and are least interested in playground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. They enjoy solving theoretical problems with their logical reasoning, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them apt for certain professions such as Mathematician, Physicist or a scientist. Compulsory physical education in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them with lesser time to pursue their hobbies. A recent study conducted by The Harvard’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
of Social Sciences revealed that 87% of the Mathematicians in the United States opted for the library over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport’s
time during high school.

While it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
student’s compulsory involvement in physical education, it is
highly
likely that they will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time at their disposal, which could
be put
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in something more constructive.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students opt for indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum
instead
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with flying
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
pursuing their passion. Can you imagine a world without actors, artists or researchers? Not everyone
is leaned
to be a Messi or Ronaldo.

In conclusion
, we should promote exercise among youngsters by making them aware of the benefits it offers,
instead
of making it a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
do activity in their curriculum. They may choose to include outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in their lifestyles beyond their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
.
Rather
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should focus on understanding the child’s natural inclination and
correspondingly
support them to pursue their interests.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts