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It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v.3

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v. 3
Being healthy and fit is good for the young generation and is accepted mostly by all. Therefore, all kinds of exercises, yoga and sport activities should be mandatory in all the schools for each and every student. I completely agree with the statement mainly for two reasons. Firstly, exercise keeps the children mentally and physically fit and secondly, it helps to fight against various diseases. First of all, in my opinion, any form of exercise, whether it is yoga, swimming, running, etc keeps a child mentally as well as physically fit. For example, in today’s world, children are really burdened with studies and get tired sitting with their textbooks for long hours. At this moment, exercise acts as a stress buster for them and eventually helps the young ones to relax and also keeps them active. Second of all, due to an increasing number of restaurants and food joints which serve all kinds of junk foods and are also easily available to young kids, thanks to the delivery app service, they prefer to eat all those unhealthy foods and because of that they tend to suffer from various diseases. For instance, a child who mostly eats unhealthy food like burgers, pizzas, cold drinks etc, suffers from obesity from a very early age. Therefore, they need to be involved in some kind of physical activity that will help them burn the extra calories and keep them fit and healthy. In the end, I would say that I completely agree that sports and other forms of physical activity should be mandatory in all the educational institutions for all the students to keep them healthy, happy and active and also in future, they can take up any sports as their profession and shine in life by making their family and country proud.
Being healthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the young generation and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
mostly
by all.
Therefore
, all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
, yoga and sport activities should be mandatory in all the schools for each and every student. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
mainly
for two reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
the children mentally and
physically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and
secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to fight against various diseases.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in my opinion, any form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, whether it is yoga, swimming, running, etc
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
a child mentally
as well
as
physically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, children are
really
burdened with studies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired sitting with their textbooks for long hours. At this moment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
acts as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for them and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the young ones to relax and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
them active.

Second of all, due to an increasing number of restaurants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints which serve all kinds of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and are
also
easily
available to young kids, thanks to the delivery app service, they prefer to eat all those unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they tend to suffer from various diseases.
For instance
, a child who
mostly
eats unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like burgers, pizzas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
drinks etc, suffers from obesity from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.
Therefore
, they need to
be involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of physical activity that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them burn the extra calories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and healthy.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would say that I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that sports and other forms of physical activity should be mandatory in all the educational institutions for all the students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
them healthy, happy and active and
also
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
, they can take up any sports as their profession and shine in life by making their family and country proud.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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