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While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v.4

While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v. 4
Although some individuals are of the opinion that offenders would be reprimanded in prisons, others think that more effective ways are available to correct them. In my opinion, I believe that involvement in community service, and rehabilitation are better ways to deal with prisoners. On the one hand, supporters of the view that prisons are more appropriate believe so because of the presence of other criminals. In other words, learning from sanctions meted out to other offenders will serve as a deterrent towards committing other crimes. For example, an offender who witnesses the execution of a fellow inmate will learn to avoid crimes or violence if ever released from prison. Furthermore, they also believe that it serves as a means of protecting the society from these criminals. This means that victims will be less terrified when offenders are placed in prisons. However, I am of the opinion that more beneficial ways exist to aid correction of an offender. Firstly, many criminals can be subjected to community service where they are made to contribute greatly to the development of a community through activities such as cleaning, gardening, helping out in nursing homes etc. As a result, they are able to recognise their usefulness to the society. In addition, some can be sent to rehabilitation centres where they are made to learn and recognise the effects of crimes committed, and how to live a better life before re-integration into the society. In conclusion, I consider involvement in community activities and rehabilitation better ways to deal with criminals.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
would
be reprimanded
in prisons, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that more effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
are available to correct them. In my opinion, I believe that involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service, and rehabilitation are better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to deal with prisoners.

On the one hand, supporters of the view that prisons are more appropriate believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, learning from sanctions meted out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
will serve as a deterrent towards committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crimes.
For example
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
who witnesses the execution of a fellow inmate will learn to avoid crimes or violence if ever released from prison.
Furthermore
, they
also
believe that it serves as a means of protecting the society from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. This means that victims will be less terrified when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
are placed
in prisons.

However
, I am of the opinion that more beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
exist to aid correction of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
can
be subjected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service where they
are made
to contribute
greatly
to the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
through activities such as cleaning, gardening, helping out in nursing homes etc.
As a result
, they are able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
their usefulness to the society.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to rehabilitation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
where they
are made
to learn and
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the effects of crimes committed, and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
re-integration into the society.

In conclusion
, I consider involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
activities and rehabilitation better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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