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It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.6

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 6
In the upcoming years, it is predicted that the percentage of the elderly was larger than that of youngsters in many nations. While I accept that there are some benefits and drawbacks to this decision, I would argue that it is better for a higher proportion of adolescents. On the one hand, there are some advantages for several nations, which has a higher percentage of the elderly. Firstly, it is an apparent fact that there is a reduction in educational pressure. This stems from the decrease in the children number. As a result, the government could devote more money and energy to invest in other sectors to serve citizens such as upgrade the transport system and improving environmental conditions. On the other hand, it seems to me that because of some undeniable disadvantages. The main shortcoming is the lack of labour production. This leads to a decrease in labour productivity in the industrial area. As a result, the economy of nations will dramatically reduce. For instance, according to the research of economists, The labour productivity of the nation, which has old population, was half that of the young population. Another disadvantage is that the government deals with many health-related problems. This makes the government must invest more in health. The salient most example of this is over 30% national budget in Japan expenditure on medical service, including building hospitals and medical centres. In conclusion, I believe that there are some plus points to the higher percentage of the elderly, although this decision has some notable downsides.
In the upcoming years, it
is predicted
that the percentage of the elderly was larger than that of youngsters in
many
nations
. While I accept that there are
some
benefits and drawbacks to this decision, I would argue that it is better for a higher proportion of adolescents.

On the one hand, there are
some
advantages for several
nations
, which has a higher percentage of the elderly.
Firstly
, it is an apparent fact that there is a reduction in educational pressure. This stems from the decrease in the children number.
As a result
, the
government
could devote more money and energy to invest in other sectors to serve citizens such as upgrade the transport system and improving environmental conditions.

On the other hand
, it seems to me that
because
of
some
undeniable disadvantages. The main shortcoming is the lack of
labour
production. This leads to a decrease in
labour
productivity in the industrial area.
As a result
, the economy of
nations
will
dramatically
reduce
.
For instance
, according to the research of economists, The
labour
productivity of the
nation
, which has
old
population, was half that of the young population. Another disadvantage is that the
government
deals with
many
health-related problems. This
makes
the
government
must
invest more in health. The salient most example of this is over 30% national budget in Japan expenditure on medical service, including building hospitals and medical
centres
.

In conclusion
, I believe that there are
some
plus points to the higher percentage of the elderly, although this decision has
some
notable downsides.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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