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It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.5

It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 5
Overpopulation posts numerous threats to the society, in which aging is a controversial one. Nevertheless, in many regions, an increase in the number of senior citizens in the following years is forecast, drawing argument about its benefits to the community. In this essay, I will demonstrate why I strongly hold the pros of this rise certainly outweigh its cons. On the one hand, many people believe the estimated upcoming outburst of older people casts a burden on the country’s workforce. Accordingly, the government is bound to pay a considerable amount of money for finding a replacement source to domestic workers. To be more specific, in countries where most of their population is over 50 years old, such as Korea, money is spent to hire laborers from outside the country to fill in the blanks in the labor force. While countries are racing to develop, such a deep dependence on foreign workers is risky in the long term. On the other hand, the advocate of this promised trend supports that it will bring benefits to the country. This group of aging people is a sign of science development, remaining a magnet for foreign patients worldwide to flock to their country. For example, many Vietnamese patients have spent millions on trips to Singapore to meet their noble health service. What is more, they are a backup workforce to deal with difficulty young people cannot do. Take the aged in Japan as an example, they insist to go to radiated areas and help clean toxic waste instead of the adolescent. In short, a higher proportion of old people is expected to rise in many places in the coming years, which can affect human resources noticeably. However, my belief is there are more advantages than disadvantages to a country to gain from this trend since they contribute greatly to the nation in their own ways.
Overpopulation posts numerous threats to the society, in which aging is a controversial one.
Nevertheless
, in
many
regions, an increase in the number of senior citizens in the following years is forecast, drawing argument about its benefits to the community. In this essay, I will demonstrate why I
strongly
hold the pros of this rise
certainly
outweigh its cons.

On the one hand,
many
people
believe the estimated upcoming outburst of older
people
casts a burden on the
country’s
workforce.
Accordingly
, the
government
is bound
to pay a considerable amount of money for finding a replacement source to domestic workers. To be more specific, in
countries
where most of their population is over 50 years
old
, such as Korea, money
is spent
to hire laborers from outside the
country
to fill in the blanks in the labor force. While
countries
are racing to develop, such a deep dependence on foreign workers is risky in the long term.

On the other hand
, the advocate of this promised trend supports that it will bring benefits to the
country
. This group of aging
people
is a
sign
of science development, remaining a magnet for foreign patients worldwide to flock to their
country
.
For example
,
many
Vietnamese patients have spent millions on trips to Singapore to
meet
their noble health service.
What is more
, they are a backup workforce to deal with difficulty young
people
cannot do. Take the aged in Japan as an example, they
insist to go
to radiated areas and
help
clean toxic waste
instead
of the adolescent.

In short, a higher proportion of
old
people
is
expected
to rise in
many
places in the coming years, which can affect human resources
noticeably
.
However
, my belief is there are more advantages than disadvantages to a
country
to gain from this trend since they contribute
greatly
to the nation in their
own
ways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than that of young people in many countries in the future? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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