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It is difficult for people living in the city to get enough physical exercise. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve the problem? v.1

It is difficult for people living in the city to get enough physical exercise. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 1
It is thought by some people that the price of a product or service is essential to consider before deciding to purchase something. While I agree that people need to consider carefully before spending large amounts of money in order to avoid debt, the necessity of the purchase must play a role in the decision to buy. It is essential that people take time to reflect on how much money they should spend on an item or service, and whether or not they can actually afford it within their available budget. Over the last few decades, the rise in personal debt has escalated as people are tempted to buy goods and services due to pressure from advertising and the increasingly easy access of credit cards. For this reason, any purchase that is costly and is bought using credit ought to be well thought through, particularly when the item is a luxury item that is not actually essential. On the other hand, there are circumstances when the cost of a service or item becomes an irrelevant consideration. A typical example of this would be when someone's life depends on a product or service, such as a new treatment for a disease not offered through normal channels. In such a case, a person's budget becomes redundant and the expense should not deter someone from proceeding with the purchase. However, these situations are rare and in most circumstances price ought to be considered so that excessive spending is planned and budgeted to avoid serious debt problems. In conclusion, people should deliberate carefully before spending large sums of money on goods and services, except in cases of dire necessity.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the price of a product or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is essential to consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
something. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to consider
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
spending large amounts of money in order to avoid debt, the necessity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play a role in the decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

It is essential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take time to reflect on how much money they should spend on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, and
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they can actually afford it within their available budget. Over the last few decades, the rise in personal debt has escalated as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are tempted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
due to pressure from advertising and the
increasingly
easy access of credit cards.
For this reason
, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
that is
costly and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
using credit ought to be well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
through,
particularly
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
is a luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
that is
not actually essential.

On the other hand
, there are circumstances when the cost of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
becomes an irrelevant consideration. A typical example of this would be when someone's life depends on a product or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, such as a new treatment for a disease not offered through normal channels. In such a case, a person's budget becomes redundant and the expense should not deter someone from proceeding with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
.
However
, these situations are rare and in most circumstances price ought to
be considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that excessive spending
is planned
and budgeted to avoid serious debt problems.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should deliberate
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
spending large sums of money on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, except in cases of dire necessity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is difficult for people living in the city to get enough physical exercise. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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