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It is difficult for people living in cities today get enough physical exercise. Why is it the case? What can be done to solve the problem? v.1

It is difficult for people living in cities today get enough physical exercise. Why is it the case? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 1
It is evident that people living in urban areas today find it hard to have sufficient physical exercise. There are a number of reasons behind this phenomenon and several solutions should be adopted to resolve the problem There are two main reasons why city dwellers have difficulty working with their fitness. One reason is that people nowadays are living fast paced lives in which people allocate most of their time working or studying. Indeed, contemporary life has becoming increasingly competitive not only in workplace but also in schools. Citizens in working age have to work eight hours a day, even do extra shift to meet the basic life necessities as well as provide for their families as it is difficult to secure a job in the city. As a result, they have less time to keep fit. Another reason is that some people underrate the importance of getting physical exercise. This is attributable to excessive time of watching TV, eating junk food and lack of exercise on a daily basis Some measures should be taken by government and individuals to mitigate the negative situation. One step is that the government should raise the awareness of people about how doing exercise benefits their health. Additionally, provision of exercise theatre near residential areas is a worthwhile initiative in the attempt to motivate people to go out more and work with their fitness. Ho Chi Minh City, for instance, have installed many training equipments in the park close to where people live. Moreover, individuals should manage their time in a more effective way. Besides working and studying time, it is essential for city residents to spend a little portion of their day keeping fit In conclusion, lack of exercise is a big problem of modern citizens and measures should be implemented to tackle this issue
It is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in urban areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have sufficient physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this phenomenon and several solutions should
be adopted
to resolve the problem

There are two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why city dwellers have difficulty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with their fitness. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
allocate most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or studying.
Indeed
, contemporary life has becoming
increasingly
competitive not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in schools. Citizens in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work eight hours a day, even do extra shift to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic life necessities
as well
as provide for their families as it is difficult to secure a job in the city.
As a result
, they have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
underrate the importance of getting physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This is attributable to excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of watching TV, eating junk food and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
on a daily basis

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
measures should
be taken
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals to mitigate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
situation. One step is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should raise the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about how doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
benefits their health.
Additionally
, provision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
near residential areas is a worthwhile initiative in the attempt to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go out more and work with their fitness. Ho Chi Minh City,
for instance
, have installed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
training equipments in the park close to where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Moreover
, individuals should manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a more effective way.
Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is essential for city residents to spend a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
portion of their day keeping fit

In conclusion
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem of modern citizens and measures should
be implemented
to tackle this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
issue
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is difficult for people living in cities today get enough physical exercise. Why is it the case? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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