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The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer. v.3

The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. v. 3
It is commonly believed by most people that the most urgent issue that government and private sectors have to tackle on is to find the alternative energy solution apart from the fossil fuels as they cause the severe environment problem such as global warming. While others think that there are far more critical social issues that need to concern. In my opinion, I agree with the later argument and will outline the reason as follow. To begin with, people have perception that the main cause of global warming, which damage wildlife and lead to other serious environment problem such as firebush in Australia, occurs from large amount of consumption in fossil fuel. However, research from the Imperial university reveals that only 25% of the realeasing in greenhouse gas, which is the main factor of rising temperature, are produced from traditional fuel from industrials and business. Furthermore, there are many factors that contribute to this environment issue; for example, agriculture process and food consumption, which accounted more than the generation and consumption of fuels. As a result, if people want to help the environment and reduce the chance of global warming, they should spend time focus on other causes than energy generation from fossil. Another important point is that there are far more serious social issues that government and individuals need to urgent tackle such as health service and economy. For instance, the situation of spreading covid-19 virus, which cause more than hundred thousand of death toll in many countries around the world. The pandemic also cost trillion of dollar lose in world economy as cities are locked down and all businesses are closed. This clearly show that public sector need to quickly respond to this severe issue due to the rising of unemployment rate. Therefore, government agency need to help improve its national health service and enhance its economy situation before it faces great depression. In conclusion, although government and business sector should spend their budget to develop new energy solution for saving the environment, I strongly believe that both critical health issue and severe economy situation have to solve as the first priority.
It is
commonly
believed by most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the most urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and private sectors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tackle on is to find the alternative energy solution apart from the fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
problem such as global warming.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are far more critical social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to concern. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the later argument and will outline the reason
Did you mean "as follows"?
as follow
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have perception that the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of global warming, which damage wildlife and lead to other serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
problem such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
firebush
in Australia, occurs from large amount of consumption in fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
.
However
, research from the Imperial university reveals that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
25% of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
realeasing
in greenhouse gas, which is the main factor of rising temperature,
are produced
from traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
from industrials and business.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that contribute to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
;
for example
, agriculture process and food consumption, which accounted more than the generation and consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
.
As a result
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chance of global warming, they should spend time focus on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
than energy generation from fossil.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that there are far more serious social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to urgent tackle such as health service and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
For instance
, the situation of spreading
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
virus, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
more than
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
thousand of death toll in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world. The pandemic
also
cost trillion of dollar lose in world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
as cities
are locked
down and all businesses
are closed
. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that public sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
quickly
respond to this severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
due to the rising of unemployment rate.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
agency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its national health service and enhance its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it faces great depression.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and business sector should spend their budget to develop new energy solution for saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, I
strongly
believe that both critical health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
and severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
solve as the
first
priority.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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