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In companies, promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company and not to somebody outside the company or new hiring. Agree or disagree? v.1

In companies, promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company and not to somebody outside the company or new hiring. Agree or disagree? v. 1
While some argue that in company employees who are working inside should be given a chance for promoting to higher positions rather than employing from outside or new hiring, I disagree with this view due to two reasons. The primary reason why an organisation should give promotion to new hiring is due to having extra qualification. Although internal employees are well-qualified with a limited qualification, today’s new employees are more qualified with extra degree and certificate. Thus, such degrees and certificate prove that freshers’ should be appointed by companies for a higher position in an organization. For instance, in Google, many higher positions are filled with new talents who possess an extra degree rather than having an only university degree. Another reason is having many years’ experience and expertise in the field. It is true that most companies these days prefer those candidates who have much experience and expertise in a particular field. For example, if any, the organization has a vacancy for a higher position, they will prefer that candidate who has more experience of working with other organization and is multi talented too. Therefore, these experience matter a lot because such higher positions require great responsibility. In conclusion, although there are many who are in favour of giving promotion to the employees who are working internally, I disagree with them as there are many new employees who have the higher qualification and extra degree and many years’ experience of other organisations.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working inside should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance for promoting to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
rather
than employing from outside or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
hiring, I disagree with this view due to two reasons.

The primary reason why an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
should give promotion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
hiring is due to having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
qualification. Although internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are well-qualified with a limited qualification,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more qualified with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and certificate.
Thus
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
and certificate prove that freshers’ should
be appointed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in an
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
.
For instance
, in Google,
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many
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are filled
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
talents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
possess an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
rather
than having an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
university degree.

Another reason is having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and expertise in the field. It is true that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
these days prefer those candidates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and expertise in a particular field.
For example
, if any, the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
has a vacancy for a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, they will prefer that candidate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of working with other
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
and is multi talented too.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
matter a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
require great responsibility.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of giving promotion to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working
internally
, I disagree with them as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the higher qualification and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of other
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In companies, promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company and not to somebody outside the company or new hiring. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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