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It is common practice for some students to take a gap year between high school and university in order to do charitable work abroad in under developed countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people of doing volunteer work?

It is common practice for some students to take a gap year between high school and university in order to do charitable work abroad in under developed countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people of doing volunteer work? v. 3
Nowadays, teenagers are taking a break year between high school and university to volunteer for some organizations for charitable work. Although there are several drawbacks of doing that, but I believe that are many benefits and obtaining more experience is one of them. On the one hand, there are numerous advantages of young people who start to do more volunteering work after they graduate from high school, which I think they are very helpful. Firstly, when teenagers volunteer, they’ll get more experiences from professional people which will eventually benefit them in work or university. In other words, old and educated people who are wealth with knowledge will teach those young people lessons for jobs but most importantly about life. Secondly, young people comprehend how to socialize more with other people who have different mindsets and ages. For example, Tom Johnson, an 18 years old boy, volunteered once in the Emirate Red Crescent and went to Africa. Due to the poverty and diseases, lots of Africans were unable to talk or hear, therefore Tom faced an issue with that. So, he started to communicate with them in body and sign language. On the other hand, taking a gap before studying in university have few disadvantages on the teenagers. One of the negative outcomes is that they may forget the lessons they have took in high school, which are necessary for the first year of college. Since the young people volunteered after high school, they will suffer from a lack of essential information that have been taught in high school. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by the Times Magazine has showed that 30% of American students failed in the test for registering in the university and the reason of that is doing two years of charitable work after school. In conclusion, students are volunteering for a year before registering to a university; however, there are some positive and negative outcomes of this. In my point of view, students should think about the downsides more so it will not affect them in the future.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are taking a break
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year
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
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university
to volunteer for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organizations for charitable
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work
. Although there are several drawbacks of doing that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and obtaining more experience is one of them.

On the one hand, there are numerous advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do more volunteering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after they graduate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful.
Firstly
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
volunteer, they’ll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more experiences from professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which will
eventually
benefit them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are wealth with knowledge will teach those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lessons for jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most
importantly
about life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
comprehend how to socialize more with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindsets and ages.
For example
, Tom Johnson, an 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy, volunteered once in the Emirate Red Crescent and went to Africa. Due to the poverty and diseases, lots of Africans were unable to talk or hear,
therefore
Tom faced an issue with that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to communicate with them in body and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
language.

On the other hand
, taking a gap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
have few disadvantages on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes is that they may forget the lessons they have
Use past participle here: "taken".
took
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which are necessary for the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of college. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
volunteered after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they will suffer from a lack of essential information that have
been taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by the Times Magazine has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 30% of American students failed in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
for registering in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and the reason of
that is
doing two years of charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after school.

In conclusion
, students are volunteering for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
registering to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
;
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes of this. In my point of view, students should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the downsides more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will not affect them in the future.
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As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay It is common practice for some students to take a gap year between high school and university in order to do charitable work abroad in under developed countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people of doing volunteer work?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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