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It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks? v.2

It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks? v. 2
The desire to avoid to work for someone else usually drives many youngsters to setup their own company. However, some economists state that this endeavor often leads to many problems for them. In this essay, I will consider both pros and cons of this trend and agree that the disadvantages outdistance the advantages. Let us start with positive sides of doing a business for young people. The first benefit is that it frequently allows them to plan their workload independently. Employees usually receive a work schedule from their supervisor, which requires them to follow it strictly, but those, who running their own company, always organize their work autonomously. Another merit is that it generally gives them more freedom. Young businessmen can spend more time with their relatives and friends, since they can either delegate their duties on their subordinates or do their work through emails. Therefore, after analyzing, it is clear that young entrepreneurs have plenty of positives from managing a business. Nevertheless, despite these beneficial effects, young people also face numerous complications from working for themselves. Firstly, it commonly requires complete dedication. The majority of businessmen tend to devote a great deal of both years and effort, before their company starts to operate effectively and brings substantial profits. Secondly, it is very risky. More than half of young entrepreneurs fail to go bankrupt the first year, which means that they lose enormous sums of money as well as quit the idea of being independent from job givers. As a result, after analyzing, it is obvious that setup a business is quite challenging for young people. In conclusion, although building a company has a multitude of advantages for the youth, I think that the downsides prevail over the benefits, since it is too risky for them to deal with at such young ages.
The desire to avoid to
work
for someone else
usually
drives
many
youngsters
to setup
their
own
company
.
However
,
some
economists state that this endeavor
often
leads to
many
problems for them. In this essay, I will consider both pros and cons of this trend and
agree
that the disadvantages outdistance the advantages.

Let
us
start
with
positive
sides of doing a business for
young
people
. The
first
benefit is that it
frequently
allows
them to plan their workload
independently
. Employees
usually
receive a
work
schedule from their supervisor, which requires them to follow it
strictly
,
but
those, who running their
own
company
, always organize their
work
autonomously
. Another merit is that it
generally
gives them more freedom.
Young
businessmen can spend more time with their relatives and friends, since they can either delegate their duties on their subordinates or do their
work
through emails.
Therefore
, after analyzing, it is
clear
that
young
entrepreneurs have
plenty
of positives from managing a business.

Nevertheless
, despite these beneficial effects,
young
people
also
face numerous complications from working for themselves.
Firstly
, it
commonly
requires complete dedication. The majority of businessmen tend to devote a great deal of both years and effort,
before
their
company
starts
to operate
effectively
and brings substantial profits.
Secondly
, it is
very
risky. More than half of
young
entrepreneurs fail to go bankrupt the
first
year, which means that they lose enormous sums of money
as well
as quit the
idea
of being
independent from
job givers.
As a result
, after analyzing, it is obvious that
setup
a business is quite challenging for
young
people
.

In conclusion
, although building a
company
has a multitude of advantages for the youth, I
think
that the downsides prevail over the benefits, since it is too risky for them to deal with at such
young
ages.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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