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Many parents are worried about the increasing amount of violence in computer games and TV programmes for children. Is violent entertainment harmful for children? What can be done to solve this problem? v.1

Many parents are worried about the increasing amount of violence in computer games and TV programmes for children. Is violent entertainment harmful for children? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
Frequent violent scenes in various sources of amusement aimed at children tend to raise their parents’ awareness on this subject. I am inclined to believe that excessive violence, demonstrated at an early age may result in children’s improper mental development leading to the application of such patterns of behavior in the future life. In order to prevent this issue, it is crucial to apply restrictions in terms of age to the spread of such content. Firstly, children as still developing organisms possess an immeasurable mental flexibility. Not only are they constantly learning new information, but they may also absorb it regardless of the content. Being regularly shown fights or murders, they might consider them to be occasional, thus finding it appropriate to repeat them later. To illustrate, according to a recent governmental report in Russia, the majority of juvenile offenders claim to have been playing violent computer games before committing a crime themselves. To tackle this issue, it might be essential to define a certain age until which children must be deprived of watching bloody scenes. The exact figure is to be negotiated, but on no account should youngsters aged less than 12 years old be authorized to watch such videos, be it computer games or TV programmes, inasmuch as at this age children’s brain is almost similar to the adults’, consequently, any detrimental effects of the scenes of violence are not likely to affect the children’s development. For instance, a long-term research conducted in France has revealed that the level of cruelty in children’s behavior varies according to the initial age of facing invented violent scenes. In conclusion, I therefore believe that the abundance of violence in children’s sources of entertainment is highly likely to produce a distressing impact on their future prospects due to the children’s mental flexibility. Applying a ban for all children under 12 which is critical age of children’s development is an essential measure to combat this issue.
Frequent violent scenes in various sources of amusement aimed at
children
tend to raise their parents’ awareness on this subject. I
am inclined
to believe that excessive violence, demonstrated at an early
age
may result in
children’s
improper mental development leading to the application of such patterns of behavior in the future life. In order to
prevent
this issue, it is crucial to apply restrictions in terms of
age
to the spread of such content.

Firstly
,
children
as
still
developing organisms possess an immeasurable mental flexibility. Not
only
are they
constantly
learning new information,
but
they may
also
absorb it regardless of the content. Being
regularly
shown fights or murders, they might consider them to be occasional,
thus
finding it appropriate to repeat them later. To illustrate, according to a recent governmental report in Russia, the majority of juvenile offenders claim to have been playing violent computer games
before
committing a crime themselves.

To tackle this issue, it might be essential to define a certain
age
until which
children
must
be deprived
of watching bloody scenes. The exact figure is to
be negotiated
,
but
on no account should youngsters aged less than 12 years
old
be authorized
to
watch
such videos, be it computer games or TV
programmes
, inasmuch as at this
age
children’s
brain is almost similar to the adults’,
consequently
, any detrimental effects of the scenes of violence are not likely to affect the
children’s
development.
For instance
, a long-term research conducted in France has revealed that the level of cruelty in
children’s
behavior varies according to the initial
age
of facing invented violent scenes.

In conclusion
, I
therefore
believe that the abundance of violence in
children’s
sources of entertainment is
highly
likely to produce a distressing impact on their future prospects due to the
children’s
mental flexibility. Applying a ban for all
children
under 12 which is critical
age
of
children’s
development is an essential measure to combat this issue.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents are worried about the increasing amount of violence in computer games and TV programmes for children. Is violent entertainment harmful for children? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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