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It is better to provide money for teenagers as gifts. Discuss both views. v.1

It is better to provide money for teenagers as gifts. v. 1
Gone are the days when teenagers were not appreciated by their parents, while, these days, parents tend to give money as gifts. Many a sceptic believes that this could bring negative implications on teenagers future life, however both sides are discussed below and an inference is arrived at end. On the one hand, it is better to develop money managing skills for the children, since it would be useful in their future. It is true that the world has transformed to a consumeristic lifestyle, especially from the turn of 20th century; accordingly, youths need to be both well aware as well as well-equipped with the wise use of money. Besides imbibing money managing skill, teenagers are understanding to make the right actions through appreciation from others. Parents in Sweden, for instance, promote their teenagers by giving money along with their supervision to ensure that this action might not bring any harm. As such, the more the teenagers are appreciated via money, the more they develop money management skills. On the other hand, having proved in many western nations, namely the USA, by providing money to teenagers, there is a tendency for them to indulge in illegal activities. They are likely to be influenced by their peer groups to consume alcohol or drugs. As a consequence, students might lose their focus on academics; their psychological health is also negatively affected. With reasonable disposable income, they might also have a chance to become materialistic, as they purchase commodities not just to meet their requirements. Indeed, teenagers would feel independent, for which, the relationship with parents are also directly affected. Finally, if the parents provided money as present to teenagers, it would be only helpful for them to lead an anti-social life. In conclusion, although there are merits like developing money management skills, when money is provided to teenagers as gifts, the negative repurcussions outweigh its positives. Had previous generation provided money to their children as presents, it would not have stood in good stead for this generation.
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
were not appreciated by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, while, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as gifts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptic' is British English.
sceptic
believes that this could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
future life,
however
both sides
are discussed
below and an inference
is arrived
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, it is better to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the children, since it would be useful in their future. It is true that the world has transformed to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumeristic
lifestyle,
especially
from the turn of 20th century;
accordingly
, youths need to be both well aware
as well
as well
-equipped with the wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Besides
imbibing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are understanding
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right actions through appreciation from others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
in Sweden,
for instance
, promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
along with their supervision to ensure that this action might not bring any harm. As such, the more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are appreciated
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the more they develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, having proved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western nations,
namely
the USA, by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, there is a tendency for them to indulge in illegal activities. They are likely to
be influenced
by their peer groups to consume alcohol or drugs. As a consequence, students might lose their focus on academics; their psychological health is
also
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. With reasonable disposable income, they might
also
have a chance to become materialistic, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
commodities not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
would feel independent, for which, the relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
also
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Finally
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as present to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful for them to lead an anti-social life.

In conclusion
, although there are merits like developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is provided
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
as gifts, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
repurcussions
outweigh its positives. Had previous generation provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their children as presents, it would not have stood in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead for this generation.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to provide money for teenagers as gifts. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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