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In many countries, traditional food is replaced by international fast food. This has adverse effect families, individuals and society. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries, traditional food is replaced by international fast food. This has adverse effect families, individuals and society. v. 1
It is comprehensively acknowledged that the availability of international foods has risen significantly which causes many more people do not consume traditional foods. I firmly disagree because this is detrimental both for individuals who consume it and society in general. There are two primary reasons to support this. First and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that consuming fast foods to excess results in serious health problems. Fast foods such as fried chickens, hamburgers, and chips- which incredibly high in salt and fat are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, high level of cholesterol, obesity even heart disease. Further and more importantly, some international foods chain deliberately attempt to attract children to shape their eating habits. One particularly example of this is the character of Ronald McDonalds. The bright clothes and smiles are clearly designed to attract kids who push their parents to take them to McDonald's restaurants. Having grown up eating in the restaurants, people are more likely to continue eating there throughout their adult lives. Another frequent criticism of consuming convenience foods is decreasing the value of local foods. Every region has its specific food specialty. With the introduction of international foods and fast foods, they are more likely to disappear. In this way, the local communities will face unfavorable impacts in terms of losing their traditional value. By way of conclusion, even though fast foods are preferable due to their relatively low cost and convenience, I once again reaffirm that they are deleterious for people’s lives. In other words, they are beneficial in the short term, but the dangerous effects are predominant in later life.
It is
comprehensively
acknowledged that the availability of international
foods
has risen
significantly
which causes
many
more
people
do not consume traditional
foods
. I
firmly
disagree
because
this is detrimental both for individuals who consume it and society
in general
.

There are two primary reasons to support this.
First
and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that consuming
fast
foods
to excess results in serious health problems.
Fast
foods
such as fried chickens, hamburgers, and chips- which
incredibly
high in salt and
fat
are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, high level of cholesterol, obesity even heart disease.
Further
and more
importantly
,
some
international
foods
chain
deliberately
attempt to attract children to shape their eating habits. One
particularly example
of this is the character of Ronald
McDonalds
. The bright clothes and smiles are
clearly
designed to attract kids who push their parents to take them to McDonald's restaurants. Having grown up eating in the restaurants,
people
are more likely to continue eating there throughout their adult
lives
.

Another frequent criticism of consuming convenience
foods
is decreasing the value of local
foods
. Every region has its specific
food
specialty. With the introduction of international
foods
and
fast
foods
, they are more likely to disappear. In this way, the local communities will face unfavorable impacts in terms of losing their traditional value.

By way of conclusion,
even though
fast
foods
are preferable due to their
relatively
low cost and convenience, I once again reaffirm that they are deleterious for
people
’s
lives
.
In other words
, they are beneficial in the short term,
but
the
dangerous
effects are predominant in later life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, traditional food is replaced by international fast food. This has adverse effect families, individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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