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It is better for young people to get the advises from old people than young ones Do you agree or disagree v.2

It is better for young people to get the advises from old people than young ones v. 2
It is an old saying that individuals who follow the path of experienced aged people are able to perform better in many fields and opinion of elderly people plays a vital role, where as suggestion of their peer group is not that effective. I completely agree with notion that old people can guide the youngsters and can light their path in much better way. To begin with, elderly people have the practical experience of the life. They have gone through different phases of life and have faced both failure and success. So it is irrefutable that they can advice the best possible solution to any problem and can guide in much better way. Many old people also act as role models for the juveniles like the hard worker and dedicated of senior player motivate the youth and by taking their expert advise they are able to give the outstanding performance and elevate in the game. Apart from this many students also take the suggestion of their parents while opting field of study in higher education. For example, doctors usually guide their children how they can have successful career in medical field. Moving further, people of same age group usually have the feeling of competition and they try to win the race by performing better than their colleagues. Ultimately they lack to provide the best possible advice to their friend because of the fear of lacking behind. Moreover, many youth get distracted by following the path of their friends and fail to succeed in life. For instance, if maximum students in class are choosing mathematics as addition subject some are forced to opt that because of peer suggestion and lack the maturity of determining their own skills. Therefore, advice of the young ones mostly distract the individuals from their path and bring negative repercussion in the later stage of life. In conclusion, unequivocally it depends on the free wish of the person from whom he wants to get the guidance, that is from person of same group or from elderly person, but it can not be denied the suggestion of older people can illuminate the life in much better way.
It is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying that individuals who follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
of experienced aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields and opinion of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
plays a vital role,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suggestion
of their peer group is not that effective. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with notion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can guide the youngsters and can light their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
in much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the practical experience of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They have gone through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
phases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and have faced both failure and success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is irrefutable that they can
The word 'advise' is a noun. Did you mean "advise" (verb)?
advice
the best possible solution to any problem and can guide in much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
act as role models for the juveniles like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
worker and dedicated of senior player motivate the youth and by taking their expert advise they are able to give the outstanding performance and elevate in the game. Apart from this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
also
take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suggestion
of their parents while opting field of study in higher education.
For example
, doctors
usually
guide their children how they can have successful career in medical field.

Moving
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of same age group
usually
have the feeling of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
competition and
they try to win the race by performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than their colleagues.
Ultimately
they lack to provide the best possible advice to their friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fear of lacking behind.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted by following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
of their friends and fail to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, if maximum students in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are choosing mathematics as addition subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are forced
to opt that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suggestion
and lack the maturity of determining their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, advice of the young ones
mostly
distract the individuals from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
and bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
repercussion in the later stage of life.

In conclusion
,
unequivocally
it depends on the free wish of the person from whom he wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the guidance,
that is
from person of same group or from elderly person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can not
be denied
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suggestion
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can illuminate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for young people to get the advises from old people than young ones v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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