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It is better for young people to get advice from old people than young ones. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is better for young people to get advice from old people than young ones. v. 1
When someone needs a guidance sometimes is better to take it from who lived more in ages or to someone who is young, in my opinion a piece of advice is positive and depends on the situation to make it acceptable from old or young one. First of all, one word is more than say to someone what they should do or not in the situation the person is struggling, however to give a good advice the person need to hear with an empty and without judgement who is asking for. , sometimes you ask an advice to your mother who is old than you and put more emotional influence to offer a word because she wants to protect you or she had already an experience about this subject, so you prefer to ask for your friend who has the same age as you. Secondly, advices sometimes came from a place which you never imagine, for example a magazine, a great book or simply from a talk with a stranger. Old people have hypothetically more experience and had lived more than young, so I agree, in some cases, they have a better suggestion like me when I was in doubt about who should I choose for my career, I had a long conversation with my grandfather and he told me to follow my heart and to imagine something to do with pleasure and the money will come naturally like a river finds the ocean. To conclude, advices are part of life, everyone has a different one because of the personal experiences and the person who wants a help should know about that and think that sometimes people put some emotional or personal in that piece of advice.
When someone needs a guidance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
is better to take it from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
more in ages or to someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is young, in my opinion a piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and depends on the situation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it acceptable from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
or young one.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one word is more than say to someone what they should do or not in the situation the person is struggling,
however
to give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
the person need to hear with an empty and without judgement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is asking for.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
you ask an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
to your mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
Use "elder", "older" to make a comparison with this adjective.
old
than you and put more emotional influence to offer a word
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she wants to protect you or she had already an experience about this subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
your friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has the same age as you.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
came from a place which you never imagine,
for example
a magazine, a great book or
simply
from a talk with a stranger.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
hypothetically
more experience and had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
more than young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they have a better suggestion like me when I was in doubt about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should I choose for my career, I had a long conversation with my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grandfather and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me to follow my heart and to imagine something to do with pleasure and the money will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
naturally
like a river finds the ocean.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
are part of life, everyone has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the personal experiences and the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
should know about that and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emotional or personal in that piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for young people to get advice from old people than young ones. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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