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It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. v. 1
Some people think that it is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy，to what extent do you agree or disagree? Nowadays some employees enjoy high- paid jobs others however, prefer to be employed in their interesting field. I agree with the idea that employment should be the basis after that the interest is also indispensable. A job is important because it is important to have money in order to survive in mordern world. Money provides housing, gives children clothing and food, sends teens to college, and allows leisure activities, and eventually, retirement. Even without money, we can survive off of shelters, but they encourage us to get a job and earn some money on our own. It is also important because it improves our self-value. Feeling useful will give our self esteem and self confidence a great boost that will encourage us to keep on trying for the best. Also, no one can deny the importance of job satisfaction in our lives. To begin with, at least a half of our waking hours spent at work. If we are upset about being at work because we don’t love what we do, we are on average a sad person. Additionally, it will be very difficult for us to invest in our career if we are not into what we do, what would possess us to seek out extra training, certifications, conferences and the like? It’s hard to imagine spending extra time outside of work investing in something we don’t like. In conclusion, it is ok to go to work just do enough so we don't get fired, and live like that. But, it is only the average way. When we want to move forward in life, we have to understand the importance of why we need to set professional, career, and job goals and to love the work we do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
be unemployed
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
be employed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not
The character '，' is not a standard comma, although it can look like a comma. Use "enjoy, to".
enjoy，to
what extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree?

Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees enjoy high- paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
others
however
, prefer to
be employed
in their interesting field. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that employment should be the basis after that the interest is
also
indispensable.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to survive in
Possible spelling mistake found.
mordern
world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
provides housing, gives children clothing and food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
teens to college, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
leisure activities, and
eventually
, retirement. Even without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, we can survive off of shelters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they encourage us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. It is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our self-value. Feeling useful will give our
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
a great boost that will encourage us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on trying for the best.

Also
, no one can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, at least a half of our waking hours spent at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If we
are upset
about being at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
what we do, we are on average a sad person.
Additionally
, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for us to invest in our career if we are not into what we do, what would possess us to seek out extra training, certifications, conferences and the like? It’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine spending extra time outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
investing in something we don’t like.

In conclusion
, it is ok to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fired, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the average way. When we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward in life, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand the importance of why we need to set professional, career, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
goals and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
we do.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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