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It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. v. 2
Some museums have an entry charge while some do not. In my opinion, the drawbacks of an excess payment are eclipsed by its benefits in the sense that the income will be ploughed back into the procedures and development of the museums. A major disadvantage of a permission to enter cost is the possibility of reducing the number of visitors. Museums house exhibitions and artefacts of great educational and historical value. If the chief aim of a museum is to introduce the local community, access should be free to the public and visitors. Take some folk museums in Hong Kong, which keep historic relics and display folk customs, such as very good. Entering to these folk museums, which are often monuments, is free of cost. If they had charged an entrance cost, many might have turned to other activities. Granted, an entrance fee might have a negative effect on the admission figures, but an income is favourable to museums in terms of operation. Museums feature educational exhibitions at times, and this could not have been done without a sum of money expended on hiring professionals and buying equipment. The Hong Kong Space Museum, for instance, has monthly exhibitions on different issues and professional docents are employed to take visitors on a guided tour around the museum. This example speaks volumes about how a reasonable admission charge is advantageous to the operation of a museum. In conclusion, the disadvantages of an admission fee are overshadowed by the benefits accruing from a stable source of income. Therefore, having weighed up the pros and cons, I am convinced that museums should charge an entrance fee for the sake of operation and development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have an entry charge while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not. In my opinion, the drawbacks of an excess payment
are eclipsed
by its benefits in the sense that the income will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'ploughed' is British English.
ploughed
back into the procedures and development of the museums.

A major disadvantage of a permission to enter cost is the possibility of reducing the number of visitors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
exhibitions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
of great educational and historical value. If the chief aim of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is to introduce the local community, access should be free to the public and visitors. Take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Hong Kong, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
historic relics and display folk customs, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. Entering to these folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
monuments, is free of cost. If they had charged an entrance cost,
Possible agreement error. The noun might seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much might", "a good deal of might".
many might
have turned to other activities.

Granted, an entrance fee might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the admission figures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an income is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in terms of operation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
feature educational exhibitions at times, and this could not have
been done
without a sum of money expended on hiring professionals and buying equipment. The Hong Kong Space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
,
for instance
, has monthly exhibitions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues and professional docents
are employed
to take visitors on a guided tour around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. This example speaks volumes about how a reasonable admission charge is advantageous to the operation of a museum.

In conclusion
, the disadvantages of an admission fee
are overshadowed
by the benefits accruing from a stable source of income.
Therefore
, having weighed up the pros and cons, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should charge an entrance fee for the sake of operation and development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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