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In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Currently, there is a trend that an increasing number of industries and businesses are being established not in big cities, but in some regional areas. Some people support this phenomenon because it brings numerous benefits, while others argue against it. This essay will discuss the issue from both perspectives. It is true that we have obtained a lot of benefits with the moving of industries. To begin with, living conditions in metropolis have dramatically increased with fewer factories. A great many factories will cause environmental problems, in particular air pollution, which is utterly harmful to citizens. In addition, it can improve the development of economy rapidly. The product can be more efficient because the contact between two factories becomes more convenient. Another important point is that fewer industries provide more spaces for the improvement of big cities. Thus, the government can utilize these areas to establish basic living facilities, like parks and hospitals, which are extremely essential to the population. Conversely, there are also some drawbacks of this phenomenon. First of all, it is inconvenient to city residents that all businesses move out from the metropolis to regional zones. Workers have no choice but to take a long trip to arrive at work. Moreover, longer distances mean higher cost of transportation, which wastes a great deal of energy. Last but not least, it leads to more pollution in these areas. Water pollution is a case in point. It is not only deleterious, but also difficult to recover. In summary, although there are a few shortcomings of the change, it seems that the benefits outweigh the downsides, because it makes our daily lives better. As far as I am concerned, it is a good idea to persuade industries and businesses to move out from large cities to regional areas.
Currently
, there is a trend that an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and businesses are
being established
not in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support this phenomenon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings numerous benefits, while others argue against it. This essay will discuss the issue from both perspectives.

It is true that we have obtained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits with the moving of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, living conditions in metropolis have
dramatically
increased with fewer factories. A great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories will cause environmental problems,
in particular
air pollution, which is
utterly
harmful to citizens.
In addition
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the development of economy
rapidly
. The product can be more efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the contact between two factories becomes more convenient. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
provide more spaces for the improvement of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can utilize these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to establish basic living facilities, like parks and hospitals, which are
extremely
essential to the population.

Conversely
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of this phenomenon.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is inconvenient to city residents that all businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out from the metropolis to regional zones. Workers have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to take a long trip to arrive at work.
Moreover
, longer distances mean higher cost of transportation, which wastes a great deal of energy. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it leads to more pollution in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Water pollution is a case in point. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deleterious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
difficult to recover.

In summary, although there are a few shortcomings of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, it seems that the benefits outweigh the downsides,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better. As far as I
am concerned
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and businesses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out from large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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