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It is better for college students to live far away from home than live with their parents? Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is better for college students to live far away from home than live with their parents? v. 1
To illustrate, that the controversies over whether college students or university living at home with family or hostels have not yet been determined ultimately. Alternatively, home living caters really affective, peaceful and tremendous facilities along with convenient life and family has to bond. According to my opinion, I observe that accommodation should be at own house is immensely superior and has essential experience. Firstly, there is no doubt living with family at home children is exclusively safe and secure. They are under parental support and liable to punctual of the time. Even, they do not create such chances to become popular in immoralities and out of control. Frequently, these adolescents can prevent from adequate traffic jams on roads. Whenever they are leaving from home. Afterwards, time is crucial for students and has protected. Consequently, despite of that personal budget can survived and health issues abstain them from enormous various sorts of serious disease. Although, to enure that they are completely independent from such part time jobs. Secondly, it has assured that, the adults living at home rather than hostels, because these children are hands of their parents. However, parents are better understanding their growth. Normally, parents are always associated with their children and with having correlations. Moreover, these sorts of children obsequious of their parents forever. In order to, that schooling well at schools for their performance and their results are rewarded zenith marks in exam. The whole credit encompasses their home living with parents. Myriad children want to live at home due to bothering at sharing room with others in which they study lonely and derived preparation for exams. On the other hand, those children who are living in lodge for some their personal issues unfortunately. Simultaneously, either their hostels are on distance and they need significant role of life which is not possible at hostels as they have to follow school necessary general rules in which they are bound. Myriad of them are involved in impermissible affairs with lady candidates. By way of conclusion, although it is a common belief that accommodation should be at home. Personally, in my view that children are children. Fundamentally, they have to accommodate at home instead of far away from home until they mature.
To illustrate, that the controversies over whether college students or university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at home with family or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hostels
have not
yet
been determined
ultimately
.
Alternatively
, home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
caters
really
affective, peaceful and tremendous facilities along with convenient life and family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
bond. According to my opinion, I observe that accommodation should be at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is
immensely
superior and has essential experience.

Firstly
, there is no doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with family at home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is exclusively safe and secure. They are under parental support and liable to punctual of the time. Even, they do not create such chances to become popular in immoralities and out of control.
Frequently
, these adolescents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from adequate traffic jams on roads.
“Whenever” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whenever
they are leaving from home. Afterwards, time is crucial for students and has protected.
Consequently
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
that personal budget can survived and health issues abstain them from enormous various sorts of serious disease.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, to
Possible spelling mistake found.
enure
that they are completely
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
such
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
jobs.

Secondly
, it has assured that, the adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at home
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hostels
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are hands of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are better understanding their growth.
Normally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are always associated with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and with having correlations.
Moreover
, these sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obsequious of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
forever. In order to, that schooling well at schools for their performance and their results
are rewarded
zenith marks in exam. The whole credit encompasses their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at home due to bothering at sharing room with others in which they study lonely and derived preparation for exams.

On the other hand
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in lodge for
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their personal" or "some personal"?
some their personal
issues unfortunately.
Simultaneously
, either their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hostels
are on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
distance and
they need significant role of life which is not possible at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hostels
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow school necessary general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in which they
are bound
. Myriad of them
are involved
in impermissible affairs with lady candidates.

By way of conclusion, although it is a common belief that accommodation should be at home.
Personally
, in my view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Fundamentally
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accommodate at home
instead
of far away from home until they mature.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for college students to live far away from home than live with their parents? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
372 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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