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It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. v. 1
Life on campus has a certain influence on students' lives and their performance. Although, living with parents has several benefits, this lifestyle has a number of negative aspects. While living away from their colleges, some students will deprived of attending various extra sports and recreational activities. The reason is that not all of them would be able to travel some distance to and from their colleges for various reasons such as bad weather, household chores or financial considerations. This will deprive students of developing their teamwork and communication skills. Students cannot learn like campus students and they would spend more time searching a book. However, with the absence of parental care, students will have to shoulder all troubles of life. They manage their personal finance on their own gradually developing certain skills necessary for their future life. Additionally, thanks to their shared accommodation, students might learn how to live and work in harmony with others. They also have a good opportunity to make friends with other students and develop lasting friendship with them. Students who live on campus have all the necessary conditions to study and improve their knowledge. For example, all colleges, have libraries and conference halls. Students who live on campus can use these facilities even after classes not only to do their homework, but also expand their knowledge on various subjects. In conclusion, based on these comparisons, I'd like to say that living on campus far away from home seems to be a good idea than living in the same home with parents.
Life on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
has a certain influence on students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and their performance.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with parents has several benefits, this lifestyle has a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from their colleges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will deprived of attending various extra sports and recreational activities. The reason is that not all of them would be able to travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distance to and from their colleges for various reasons such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather, household chores or financial considerations. This will deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of developing their teamwork and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
cannot learn like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they would spend more time searching a book.

However
, with the absence of parental care,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shoulder all troubles of life.

They manage their personal finance on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
gradually
developing certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
necessary for their future life.
Additionally
, thanks to their shared accommodation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and work in harmony with others. They
also
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and develop lasting friendship with them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
have all the necessary conditions to study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge.
For example
, all colleges, have libraries and conference halls.

Students who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these facilities even after classes not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to do their homework,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
expand their knowledge on various subjects.

In conclusion
, based on these comparisons, I'd like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
far away from home seems to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the same home with parents.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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