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Nowadays an ordinary person can become popular through the Internet and TV media. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v.3

Nowadays an ordinary person can become popular through the Internet and TV media. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 3
In this modern world, it is possible for a person to become well known through the television show or online platform. I personally believe that there is a major negative of people become famous in the world, but there is still some benefit on this argument. To start off, there are a various of different online media such as Youtube, Instagram or Facebook which people can exploit the different method, for instant, recording live video game, music cover or even some live talk. By using those method to increase more spectators or view rate and after that they will become much more famous and attract the advertisement. For example, a youtuber named PewDiePie who only started with a web-mic and cam, but finally become rich because he can earn the money by million of subscribers watching his video. Secondly, there are certain television show namely, American God Talent and so on. Many of potential people come and show off their skill to make an opportunity for themselves and become famous. However, in contrary, there are extremely negative impact if people being well known. Obviously, they have a extremely strong influence over the real world especially on teenage. Hence, they have to be aware of their words and actions and will gain more pressure. Moreover, there are more argument in nowadays internet between those popular person and haters and it can be spread so quickly in the cyberspace. Besides, some people are sensitive and impulse on what the other people mention on them. Thus, they might be hurt in the real world or even their relatives. In summary, I believe that is a great method to provide an opportunity to become success. Nevertheless, it also a problem which will affect their livelihood during that time.
In this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, it is possible for a person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
well known through the television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
or online platform. I
personally
believe that there is a major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefit on this argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
off, there are
The phrase 'a various of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a various of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
online media such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
, Instagram or Facebook which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can exploit the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
method, for instant, recording
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
video game, music cover or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
talk. By using
Did you mean "this method" or "those methods"?
those method
to increase more spectators or view rate and after that they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and attract the advertisement.
For example
, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtuber
named PewDiePie who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with a web-mic and cam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he can earn the money by million of subscribers watching his video.
Secondly
, there are certain television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
namely
, American God Talent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an opportunity for themselves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

However
, in contrary, there are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being well known.
Obviously
, they have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
extremely
strong influence over the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
especially
on teenage.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware of their words and actions and will gain more pressure.
Moreover
, there are more argument
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
internet between those popular person and haters and it can
be spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quickly
in the cyberspace.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are sensitive and impulse on what the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mention on them.
Thus
, they might
be hurt
in the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
or even their relatives.

In summary, I believe
that is
a great method to provide an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
success.
Nevertheless
, it
also
a problem which will affect their livelihood during that time.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays an ordinary person can become popular through the Internet and TV media. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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