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It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. v. 2
Living life plays a crucial role in everyone's life. Some people are living with their family members, but some like to live alone. I agree with this statement that the student should live outside home than leaving home with mother and father. A number of reasons for my agreement, I will discuss in this essay. My first reason to agree about living outside is this situation became college students mature as well as independently. For example, college learner learns who to manage home, how to cook food and how to clean clothes. The pupil becomes more mature when they live hostel or alone. This is not possible in the case of living at home with parents. Secondly, some student does part time job to earn money. This will teach them, saving money and never waste their as they realised the value of money. What is more, this situation also strong the relation between parents and children. As children are living alone outside, but they realised the value of parents. But there are some disadvantage of living alone. Firstly, sometimes, some children got bad company and they do bad things like waste money on drinks and do smoking as they think no one is watching them. I think it is the responsibility of parents that they should watch their children's company. And sometimes some pupil feels lonely and homesick. Overall, living alone outside for college pupil has more advantage then disadvantages. For disadvantages parents should visit their children living place so that they do not do bad things and not feel lonely.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
life plays a crucial role in everyone's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their family members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that the student should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
home than leaving home with mother and father. A number of reasons for my agreement, I will discuss in this essay.

My
first
reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
is this situation became college students mature
as well
as
independently
.
For example
, college learner learns who to manage home, how to cook food and how to clean clothes. The pupil becomes more mature when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
hostel or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
. This is not possible in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at home with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
student does
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job to earn money. This will teach them, saving money and never waste their as they
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
the value of money.

What is more
, this situation
also
strong the relation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company and
they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things like waste money on drinks and
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go smoking".
do smoking
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
no one is watching them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pupil feels lonely and homesick.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
for college pupil has more advantage
Did you mean "than"?
then
disadvantages. For disadvantages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should visit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things and not feel lonely.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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