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Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers, while others believe that students’ attitudes are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers, while others believe that students’ attitudes are important. v. 1
It could be argued that education has enjoyed a lot of achievements by taking certain factors in account. While some has ascribed the academic success to mentee’s perspectives and viewpoint, others attributed it to mentor’s skills and abilities. Both sides of the argument present rational ideas, which will be elaborated, followed by my own opinion. On the one hand, the proponents of the first claim assert that a motivated student can find the way for excelling at studies. To begin with, since the vast majority of materials have been designed in a way that provide learners guidance and support. That is to say, reading online sources, students would gain the ability to think critically and make judicious decisions as well. For instance, when tackling a challenge or being faced with a dilemma in the study, these learners are more likely to put determination in their studies. Moreover, students’ attitude toward academic progress appears to be a bedrock principle of acquiring new competencies. This in turn has a far-reaching positive impact on their performance, forming a can-do mentality in the long run. On the other hand, others put forward the argument that teachers’ roles are by no means negligible. The most compelling reason justifying the assertion is that the academic achievements require guidance of highly-qualified teachers for forming a well-structured curriculum. In other words, they can motivate reluctant students to participate actively in the class. More specifically, students can acquire special expertise which is useful for their academic progress by the help of teachers. A good illustration of this is providing feedback and analyzing errors, which can give them an insight in their academic education. Furthermore, the pivot roles of teachers cannot be ignored; all the online materials failed to provide learners a thought-provoking skill. To conclude, there are logical points on both sides; however, I am of the opinion that students’ achievements is mainly driven on teachers’ efforts and skills. This is because they provide the opportunity to build up other skills instead of one aspect of their academic life.
It could
be argued
that education has enjoyed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
achievements by taking certain factors in account. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
has ascribed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
success to mentee’s perspectives and viewpoint, others attributed it to mentor’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities. Both sides of the argument present rational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, which will
be elaborated
, followed by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On the one hand, the proponents of the
first
claim assert that a motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can find the way for excelling at studies. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, since the vast majority of materials have
been designed
in a way that provide learners guidance and support.
That is
to say, reading online sources,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would gain the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
critically
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
judicious decisions
as well
.
For instance
, when tackling a challenge or
being faced
with a dilemma in the study, these learners are more likely to put determination in their studies.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
attitude toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
progress appears to be a bedrock principle of acquiring new competencies. This in turn has a far-reaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their performance, forming a can-do mentality in the long run.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others put forward the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
roles are by no means negligible. The most compelling reason justifying the assertion is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievements require guidance of
highly
-qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
for forming a well-structured curriculum. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they can motivate reluctant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to participate
actively
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. More
specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can acquire special expertise which is useful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
progress by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is providing feedback and analyzing errors, which can give them an insight in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
education.
Furthermore
, the pivot roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
; all the online materials failed to provide learners a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-provoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

To conclude
, there are logical points on both sides;
however
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
achievements is
mainly
driven on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
efforts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide the opportunity to build up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
instead
of one aspect of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
life.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that educational success depends on good teachers, while others believe that students’ attitudes are important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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