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It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay v.3

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay v. 3
In many regions around the world, people have less sleeping hours than before. This trend, which is mainly because of the presence of possible distractions and noise pollution in these countries, has serious impacts on individuals and the society. There are a number of reasons why people sleep less nowadays. Firstly, owing to the great advances being made in technology, many much more interesting options than sleeping have become available for a person to spend their free time. Most people currently prefer to spend their leisure time chatting with their friends using Facebook, for example, or playing video games rather than going to sleep. Some of them may become addicted to such activities, exacerbating the condition even more, leading to further decreasing of sleeping hours. Another factor is that elevated noise levels experienced by urban dwellers inevitably cause sleep deprivation. By upsurging the rates of construction works and traffic congestion in cities, residents find getting into sleep is much more difficult than before. This problem has drastic effects on individuals and society. By having less sleeping hours, people will lose their ability to relax and energize their body and mind, leading to psychiatric issues such as anxiety and extreme stress. This, as a result, undermines the victims' ability to communicate with others, disrupting their social relationships. Furthermore, staying awake for long periods affect people's mental concentration and, therefore, hinder their productivity. When a driver, for instance, has fewer sleeping hours than their actual body needs, they start working fatigued and demotivated, by which they will be dangerous to not only themselves, but also to other members in society. In conclusion, wasting people's free time on other activities rather than sleeping, and increasing noise levels in some countries are the main factors behind having less sleeping hours nowadays than before. This results in negatively affecting individuals' psychological wellbeing as well as decreasing their concentration and output.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This trend, which is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the presence of possible distractions and noise pollution in these countries, has serious impacts on individuals and the society.

There are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
nowadays.
Firstly
, owing to the great advances
being made
in technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
much more interesting options than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
have become available for a person to spend their free time. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
currently
prefer to spend their leisure time chatting with their friends using Facebook,
for example
, or playing video games
rather
than going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them may become addicted to such activities, exacerbating the condition even more, leading to
further
decreasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Another factor is that elevated noise levels experienced by urban dwellers
inevitably
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprivation. By upsurging the rates of construction works and traffic congestion in cities, residents find getting into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is much more difficult than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

This problem has drastic effects on individuals and society. By having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will lose their ability to relax and energize their body and mind, leading to psychiatric issues such as anxiety and extreme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This,
as a result
, undermines the victims' ability to communicate with others, disrupting their social relationships.
Furthermore
, staying awake for long periods affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental concentration and,
therefore
, hinder their productivity. When a driver,
for instance
, has fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than their actual body needs, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working fatigued and demotivated, by which they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to other members in society.

In conclusion
, wasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's free time on other activities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
, and increasing noise levels in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries are the main factors behind having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
nowadays than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This results in
negatively
affecting individuals' psychological
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
as well
as decreasing their concentration and output.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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