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It is better for children if the whole families (e. g. , aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children's upbringing rather than their parents. Give your opinion v.5

It is better for children if the whole families (e. g. , aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children's upbringing rather than their parents. Give your opinion v. 5
It is often claimed that raising the juveniles is not only the responsibility of their parents, but the entire people in the family like cousins and elder people. In my opinion, I agree with the above notion because it will teach them the true bonding with their family as well as giving respect to people. To begin with, growing in extended family structure help a minor to know the importance of the relationship. In other words, they will get a chance to know the value of their family members when they are in critical situation and their affection towards them. Moreover, they used to get both moral and financial support when they have their relatives and grandparents living together with them during an emergency. This gives them the strength and courage to achieve their goals. For example, in India, people living in the countryside follow this joint group atmosphere for the benefit of their young ones and hence when they grow up, they prefer to live in the same lifestyle by having a good relationship with their ancestors. Another point to consider is that they will learn how to respect other people in the society. That is to say that it is significant for the youth to study from their elders to treat people in a good manner which will help them to develop their attitude in a better way. In addition, it will aid them to know the give up mindset and they will not be an adamant child in the future. For example, a recent survey conducted by Anna University in India states that 75% of the youngsters are growing as a stubborn child because of living in a nuclear family. Thus, the basic behaviour of a child can be taught by the whole family members when they can live in united family. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that children should be raised by their relatives and grandparents rather than their parents because it will help them to understand the relationship between themselves with their family members and to build their character by not being rigid and rude to others.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claimed that raising the juveniles is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of their parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
like cousins and elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will teach them the true bonding with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as well
as giving respect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, growing in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a minor to know the importance of the relationship.
In other words
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to know the value of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members when they are in critical situation and their affection towards them.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
both moral and financial support when they have their relatives and grandparents living together with them during an emergency. This gives them the strength and courage to achieve their goals.
For example
, in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the countryside follow this joint group atmosphere for the benefit of their young ones and
hence
when they grow up, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same lifestyle by having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with their ancestors.

Another point to consider is that they will learn how to respect other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.
That is
to say that it is significant for the youth to study from their elders to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop their attitude in a better way.
In addition
, it will aid them to know the give up
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mindset and
they will not be an adamant child in the future.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by Anna University in India states that 75% of the youngsters are growing as a stubborn child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of living in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Thus
, the basic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of a child can
be taught
by the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members when they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in united family.

In conclusion
, I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that children should
be raised
by their relatives and grandparents
rather
than their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the relationship between themselves with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and to build their character by not being rigid and rude to others.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children if the whole families (e. g. , aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children's upbringing rather than their parents. Give your opinion v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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