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More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for these and what are the solutions? v.2

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for these and what are the solutions? v. 2
Food choice of a person has been drastically changed as the times spends. People prefer to drink such sugar-based drinks because of various reasons, including test and appearance. There are solutions which create awareness to avoid drinks, including providing the better option and to prevent the health issues. To begin with, Number of people has been started to drink, which contain high sugar level. One of the important reasons is that test of such drinks is delicious. This type of product cannot be avoided by the foodie people as they like to try a different type of test in their routine life. For example, in recent times the younger one visit to various café containing a drink, which was a combination of various fruit pulps and chocolates. Moreover, some of the restaurant represents these drinks in an innovative manner as a result, they attract more people towards to try such things. Thus, use of such drinks is increasing; having different test and looks. On the other hand, there are some steps has been taken by the individuals to avoid the excessive use of such drinks. Firstly, this drink should be avoided by introducing new drinks having good taste, but which contains less sugar. This will help to boost the energy of the person. For instance, research conducted shows that lemon water helps to make a person feel fresh, even helps to body which provides certain minerals. Furthermore, Having the frequent access of such drinks invites health issues such as, diabetes, increased blood pressure. The government should start an awareness program to show the impact of this drink. In conclusion, most of the people like to test the different food and appearance as; start to drink which contains high sugar. To control these access government should create another option also create awareness of its effect on the health.
Food choice of a person has been
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as the times spends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
such sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various reasons, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
test
and appearance. There are solutions which create awareness to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, including providing the better option and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the health issues.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
, which contain high sugar level. One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
test
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is delicious. This type of product cannot
be avoided
by the foodie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they like to try a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
test
in their routine life.
For example
, in recent times the younger one visit to various café containing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
, which was a combination of various fruit pulps and chocolates.
Moreover
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
restaurant represents these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
Consider replacing "in an innovative manner" with the adverb for "innovative"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an innovative manner
as a result
, they attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards to try such things.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is increasing; having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
test
and looks.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps has
been taken
by the individuals to avoid the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
Firstly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
should
be avoided
by introducing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
taste,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
which contains less sugar. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost the energy of the person.
For instance
, research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that lemon water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person feel fresh, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to body which provides certain minerals.
Furthermore
, Having the frequent access of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
invites health issues such as, diabetes, increased blood pressure. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
an awareness program to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the impact of this drink.

In conclusion
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
test
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
food and appearance as;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
which contains high sugar. To control these access
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create another option
also
create awareness of its effect on the health.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for these and what are the solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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