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It is believed that people should choose their jobs based on income in order to provide security for their families. Do you agree that the salary is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v.1

It is believed that people should choose their jobs based on income in order to provide security for their families. Do you agree that the salary is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v. 1
It is sometimes argued that wage is the most significant factor when an individual choosing a job in order to make merits to subsidy their family. Personally, I concede that earning a decent salary is crucial to one’s well-being, however, other criteria play an equal role. On the one hand, I advocate that income is indispensable in order for people to meet their basic needs. Only when people had a prosperous life, do they become truly happy. Nowadays, with the radical increase of cost of living, only by a huge size of a person’s earnings, can they have sufficient money to allocate for acommodations, healthcare and education. Moreover, employees who can negotiate for a decent salary always adept at working and have more superiorities than others. In other words, a person’s success, to a large extent, contingents on the size of their salary. On the other hand, there are two main factors that are equitably principal with what we earn in our jobs. Firstly, relationships with co – workers are extremely important when one decides whether a job is worth pursuing. For instance, having a veteran manager and friendly colleagues not only can we advance ourself, but we also have a flexible atmosphere in a workplace. Furthermore, knowledge and experience one acquires from the job will be another criteria which contribute to proffessional attainments. For example, many millennia are prone to volunteer work instead of a temporary job to have more practical experience and gain social knowledge which not any firms or schools can we learn from. In conclusion, although salaries certainly affect ‘s people‘s life, other considerations are equally pivotal.
It is
sometimes
argued that wage is the most significant factor when an individual choosing a
job
in order to
make
merits to subsidy their family.
Personally
, I concede that earning a decent salary is crucial to one’s well-being,
however
,
other
criteria play an equal role.

On the one hand, I advocate that income is indispensable in order for
people
to
meet
their basic needs.
Only
when
people
had a prosperous life, do they become
truly
happy. Nowadays, with the radical increase of cost of living,
only
by a huge size of a person’s earnings, can they have sufficient money to allocate for
acommodations
, healthcare and education.
Moreover
, employees who can negotiate for a decent salary always adept at working and have more
superiorities
than others. In
other
words, a person’s success, to a large extent, contingents on the size of their salary.

On the
other
hand, there are two main factors that are
equitably
principal with what we earn in our
jobs
.
Firstly
, relationships with
co – workers
are
extremely
important
when one decides whether a
job
is worth pursuing.
For instance
, having a veteran manager and friendly colleagues not
only
can we advance
ourself
,
but
we
also
have a flexible atmosphere in a workplace.
Furthermore
, knowledge and experience one acquires from the
job
will be another criteria which contribute to
proffessional
attainments.
For example
,
many
millennia are prone to volunteer work
instead
of a temporary
job
to have more practical experience and gain social knowledge which not any firms or schools can we learn from.

In conclusion
, although salaries
certainly
affect ‘s
people
‘s life,
other
considerations are
equally
pivotal.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is believed that people should choose their jobs based on income in order to provide security for their families. Do you agree that the salary is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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